Astrologically Challenged

By Anna B. the Greek <annabtg@gmail.com>

Rated: G

Submitted: April 2023

Summary: Lois Lane, skeptic extraordinaire, has strong opinions about the new Daily Planet recruit and her horoscope-writing skills.

Story Size: 358 words (2Kb as text)

For Sara Kraft, who graciously forced on me – I mean, let me borrow – her plot bunny, Lois reads Clark’s horoscope: ‘Your biggest secret causes trouble in your personal life. It’s time to open up.’

I hope you enjoy!

***

“It’s like they’re not even trying anymore.”

Clark’s head snapped up as Lois leaned into his line of vision, newspaper in hand. “Who?”

“They got this new girl for the horoscopes. She’s not even a real astrologist. Cat said she’s a sociology major.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “You believe in astrology?”

“Of course not,” she scoffed. “But the ‘real’ –” she exaggerated finger quotes here “– ones at least know how to make them sound believable. Check this out. You’re a Pisces, right?”

He assumed so, at least. “Yeah.”

“Well. ‘Pisces: Your biggest secret causes trouble in your personal life. It’s time to open up.’” She threw him a disbelieving look. “You don’t even have any secrets.”

“Uh, yeah. About that…”

“And here’s mine,” she went on, undeterred. “‘Libra: Someone’s feelings for you run deeper than you realize. Pay closer attention to your inner circle.’ You’d think I have a secret admirer or something.”

Clark flushed scarlet. “Again, about that…”

“And they’re only one line long. She really gets paid for that? I should have a word with Perry about this. He denies me a raise and then goes on to give a whole salary to some charlatan. Not even a real one. How can you be a fake charlatan? It’s ridiculous.”

Lois’s voice in his ears was drowned out by a high-pitched screech and the sound of metal on metal clanking – car accident, it sounded like.

“Right, I’m…” Clark stood up, his eyes darting around. “Going to have a talk with her. Tell her to write longer pieces.”

“Nah, Clark, that’s not your job, that’s –” She stopped talking as Clark hastily took off, tugging on his tie as he ran away. “What a chump.”

THE END

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Astrologically Challenged