The Muppets Take Metropolis

By Endelda <endeldas.writing@gmail.com>

Rated: G

Submitted: October 2019

Summary: Sometimes it takes a dash of weirdness to help the pieces come together.

Story Size: 1,368 words (8Kb as text)

This was inspired by Queenie’s Hey, Look Who’s On TV! Challenge, although I’m not sure it’s exactly what she had in mind…

Disclaimer: I own only the products of my own imagination. All recognizable Superman characters, plot points, & dialogue belong to DC Comics, Warner Bros., December 3rd Productions & anyone else with a stake in the Superman franchise; all recognizable characters, plot points, & dialogue from Sesame Street belong to Sesame Workshop (formerly known as the Children’s Television Workshop); all recognizable characters, plot points, & dialogue from The Muppet Show belong to The Jim Henson Company, Associated Television, and ITC Entertainment.

***

“To introduce our guest star,” Kermit the Frog sang in front of the deep red stage curtain, “That’s what I’m here to do, and it really makes me happy to introduce to you—Superman!”

Lois wrapped her arms more tightly around the small black and white bear in her lap and leaned in close as the frog’s arms waved around wildly and Superman floated down from the heights of the stage to land among the muppets.

She blinked and everyone was gone except Kermit and Superman.

“Hi-yo, Kermit the Frog here!” the puppet announced cheerfully.

“And, um, Superman here!” announced her hero nervously.

“Today, Superman and I are going to tell you all about same.” Said the frog.

Superman looked worried. “I’m not sure about that, Kermit. Same as what?”

Kermit’s face distorted into a ‘smile.’ “Why, same as each other, Superman!”

Now Superman looked alarmed. “But Kermit, we’re not the same at all! You’re a frog, and I’m an alien! We have nothing in common!”

“Don’t be silly, Superman! Didn’t you tell Lois Lane that you’re a man, just like she’s a woman? I’m sure we have things in common, too.”

Lois blinked and smoothed her bear’s silken cape. Did Kermit just say her name? And quote something Superman said to her privately? That didn’t seem right…

When she looked back the scene had changed again and a jaunty theme song was playing.

“And now—Piiiiiiiiigs Iiiiiiiiiin Spaaaaaace!” A rather porcine spacecraft flew into view, then the scene dissolved to the interior of the ship.

Two… hogs? Yes, two hogs in silver lamé jumpsuits were on the bridge. Sudden loud beeping prompted the shorter one with glasses and fly-away hair to spin around and point at the viewscreen on the wall. “Captain Link Hogthrob, look! Something is approaching the spaceship Swinetrek!”

The taller pig, sporting command insignia and a thick shock of blond hair, spun to stare at the screen as well. “Dr. Strangepork, what could it be? Is it a bird? Is it a plane?”

“No, you canned ham, we’re in space! Hot diggity dog, maybe it’s an alien!” A hollow, booming knock sounded on the airlock door. Dr. Strangepork pressed a button and the chamber opened with a ‘whoosh’. “It’s Superman!”

The Captain gasped as the superhero stepped onto the bridge. “Superman! What can the Swinetrek do for you? Welcome aboard, I’m Captain Link Hogthrob. Are you comfortable? Would you like a snack? A hot drink? A cold drink?” He looked around frantically. “Where is First Mate Piggy? She’s supposed to be in charge of hospitality! Piggy!”

A door on the opposite side of the room ‘whooshed’ open to reveal a shapely sow with long curly blond hair, in a silver lamé mini-dress. “Superman!” she gasped and swooned against the door frame. “One of the heavenly bodies! I must go change!” She disappeared around the corner as the door ‘whooshed’ closed again.

Superman was too busy reassuring the Captain to notice. “No thank you Captain Hogthrob, I don’t need anything to eat or drink. Actually, I was wondering if you could help me with something else.”

“Superman needs my help?” The Captain was openly awed as his jaw dropped in surprise.

“Yes. You see—” Superman ran a hand over the top of his head and Lois realized that instead of his normally sleek, smooth style, his hair was loose and messy; a lock fell over his forehead in an oddly familiar way as his hand brushed over it. “—my hair got messed up while I was assisting a Russian space monkey who got locked outside his capsule during a spacewalk, and now it’s interfering with my aerodynamics. Do you have any hair gel I can borrow?”

“That’s ridiculous!” scoffed Dr. Strangepork. “Aerodynamics don’t function in sp—”

Just then the door across the room ‘whooshed’ open again and Miss Piggy flung herself onto the bridge. She’d replaced her silver lamé mini-dress with a boxy business suit and her curly blond hair was covered by a chin-length brown wig. “Oh Superman, I’m so happy to see you!” she cried as she flung herself into his arms, “‘Tis I, your plucky female reporter friend Bloise Blane!”

Lois gasped in outrage and looked down at the bear in her lap. “That swine! I don’t look or sound like that!” The bear’s glasses were crooked, so she straightened them and smoothed his cape again before turning them both back to watch. They must have resolved whatever was happening on the ship, because Kermit was back. Now he was in a park, dressed in a trench coat and fedora.

“Hi-yo, Kermit the Frog here, speaking to you from Sesame Park with a fast breaking story about trust and cooperation. Trust is when two people believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of each other, and cooperation is when two people work together to help each other out. Unfortunately I don’t see any people around who could help me explain this, so I guess that’s all the news on trust and cooperation for today!” Just then Kermit backed into someone’s knees. “Oh, excuse me.”

“Oh no, excuse me.” Said the tall, dark haired man as he straightened his glasses. “My name is Clark Kent, from the Daily Planet. My editor sent me to this park to interview people about trust and cooperation, but there doesn’t seem to be anyone here.”

Kermit gasped. “But that’s why Sesame Street News sent me here! Trust and cooperation is my story!”

Clark looked worried. “I can’t go back to the paper without a story, my editor will have my head!”

“But if I go back to the newsroom without a story, my producer will have my head too! What are we going to do?” wailed Kermit.

“Kermit, wait!” Clark exclaimed. “I have an idea! Do you trust me?”

Kermit calmed a bit. “You mean, do I believe you’re reliable and truthful? Yes, I suppose. Everyone says you’re a man of your word.”

“And I believe you’re reliable and truthful, too.” Clark smiled down at the frog. “So what if we interviewed each other, and agreed to share credit on our stories?”

Kermit gasped. “What a great way to cooperate!”

The two reporters proceeded to take turns interviewing each other until they both had enough material for a short story.

“Thanks for helping me, Kermit. I really didn’t want to go back to Perry empty-handed.” said Clark when they were done.

“Any time, Clark! It was a pleasure working with you!” Kermit’s jaw almost dropped right off his face when Clark gave him a beaming smile and a wave, then casually flew away.

***

Lois jerked awake. She spent a few minutes picking over the details that she could remember of her dream, before it had a chance to dissolve into her mind. That definitely hadn’t been what she’d expected to dream about after their first date, especially considering how she’d ended it, but now that her subconscious had put all the pieces together quite a few things about her partner suddenly made a lot more sense.

She got up and dressed warmly but comfortably, then turned on the TV to see if Superman was up to anything newsworthy. Once it was clear that he wasn’t, she grabbed her keys and her bag and headed out the door.

She had some things she wanted to clear the air about with her best friend.

THE END

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The Muppets Take Metropolis