Lois and Clark Do 100 Crimes Challenge

Edited by VirginiaR. <lc.VirginiaR@gmail.com>

Rated: G

Submitted: October 2014

Summary: A challenge was issued to see if Lois and Clark (and a select few within their good guys group) perpetrated at least 100 crimes during their four seasons. This was the result.

Contributing Writers: VirginiaR., Lynn S.M., Lonnie, Deadly Chakram, Darth Michael, mrsMxyzptlk, MrsMosley, dcarson, John Lambert, Tzigone

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The Challenge: List as many crimes as possible, include the Episode in which the crime takes place, Who perpetrated the crime, and What the crime was. I’m looking mostly for Lois and Clark crimes, but will also accept any by other Daily Planet regulars (Perry, Jimmy, Cat) and family members (Ellen, Sam, Lucy, Martha, and Jonathan), basically the good guys! If Clark or Superman committed a crime, please be specific on which persona committed the crime.

The Pilot: Lois and Jimmy (and then Clark) Trespassed into a secure area of EPRAD to take a look at the Messenger wreckage. (Trespassing.)

The Pilot: Lois and Jimmy used a lock pick to enter the Messenger Hangar. (Breaking and Entering.)

The Pilot: Clark broke in (literally) and entered the Messenger Hangar, causing willful property damage to the Messenger hangar’s door. (Breaking and Entering.)

That Old Gang of Mine: Superman dangles Dillinger upside-down from a building to gain information. (Attempted Murder in the 2nd degree? Attempted Assault? Menacing in the 3rd degree, Reckless Endangerment, etc.) [Let’s not get into nit-picking whether or not this constitutes a crime since Dillinger is technically a clone. That’s just a whole other can of worms. For the sake of this discussion, let’s just say a clone life is equal to a human or Kryptonian.]

Ides of Metropolis: Lois bribes the bailiff to let her have ‘a minute alone’ with Eugene Laderman in the holding cell. (Rewarding Official Misconduct in the first degree.)

6) And the Answer Is: Clark (albeit using some super abilities) stole jewelry for Mazik. True, he was coerced into doing so, so the courts would probably go easy on him if he had actually been brought to trial, but he, nevertheless, did steal from a jewelry store.

a) Breaking and Entering.

b) Theft.

7) Smart Kids: Clark stole a sample of Mentamide 5. (Theft.)

8) Pheromone, My Lovely: Clark stole an atomizer of Revenge. (Theft.)

9) Honeymoon in Metropolis: Lois committed B&E at Apocalypse Consulting. (Breaking and Entering.)

10) Ordinary People: Superman appears to freeze Spenser Spenser to death. [Admittedly, he would undoubtedly be exonerated on the grounds that his actions were in self-defense. Also, do we even know which country the island is supposed to be a part of — hence with which laws might apply there?] (Manslaughter.)

11) Ides of Metropolis: Hiding Eugene, an escaped convict.

a) Aiding and Abetting.

b) Harboring an Escaped Felon.

12) Dead Lois Walking: Superman breaks Lois out of prison. Bad Superman, bad…

a) Breaking and Entering, and then Exiting?

b) Trespassing.

c) Aiding and Abetting.

d) Harboring an Escaped Felon.

13) Ides of Metropolis: Lois takes away Eugene’s gun from him, but we never see exactly what she does with it. (Possession of stolen property / unregistered firearm / concealed weapon.)

14) Madame Ex: Lois steals medical files from Dr. Heller’s office by locking the temp in a room to do so.

a) Theft.

b) Unlawful Imprisonment.

15) Church of Metropolis: Clark impersonates a police officer. (Impersonating a Police Officer.)

16) Neverending Battle: Superman bends Luthor’s sword. (Destruction of personal property.)

17) Neverending Battle: Superman shoots a gun at Lex Luthor. Okay, he deserved it. (Attempted murder / Reckless endangerment.)

18) The Pilot: Superman and Lois both trespass onto the Prometheus shuttle. Lois also planned to travel without permission.

a) Trespassing.

b) Attempted stowaway.

19) And the Answer Is…: Superman murders Lois Lane with his freezing breath and then thaws her out again.

a) Reckless endangerment and Promoting a Suicide Attempt

b) Lois suicide by superhero.

20) Voice from the Past: Superman murders Lois Lane (AGAIN) by freezing breath, and then thaws her back out. (Reckless Endangerment, AGAIN)

21) Swear to God: Clark destroys Lamont’s (Leo Nunk’s photographer) film using his vision do-hicky (x-ray vision). (Willful destruction of property.) [Although, being that nobody present except Lois knows that CK=SM and she’d never testify against her husband, I doubt this willful destruction of property would ever make it to court.]

22) The Pilot: Clark uses his heat vision to destroy the engine of the machinery that was about to demolish the theater. (Vandalism.)

23) That Old Gang of Mine: Clark fakes his own death. Granted, he finds a way to resurrect himself… (Fraud.)

24) Battleground Earth: Clark partakes in a duel to the death. (Attempted murder, and possibly there is actually an anti-dueling law.)

25) Lord of the Flys: Lois volunteers to be Clark’s concubine. (Solicitation.)

26. Pheromone, My Lovely:

a) Perry sexually harasses Rehaila. (Sexual harassment.)

b) Lois sexually harassed Clark. (Sexual harassment.)

27) Lucky Leon: Superman steals a nuclear device from legit US soldiers and hands it over to terrorists, and detonates it in the atmosphere. I think we could formulate a treason/terrorism charge for either of these that would get him the death penalty in a federal court. Um, Clark, about that “checking your sources” thing you do as a reporter… (Terrorism, and Treason, if they find out that SM is actually Kansas native CK.)

28) Strange Visitor: Lois & Clark spy on Bureau 39’s warehouse. (Espionage.)

29) Family Hour: Lois and Clark have baby they don’t know about in their dining room. (Kidnapping of Baby.)

30) Double Jeopardy: Clark/Superman help Lex Luthor and Wanda. (Aiding and Abetting.)

31) Lord of the Flys / Battleground Earth: Superman hired (accepted services) of a prostitute. (Buying an illegal substance.)

32) Top Copy: Lois steals Mayson’s beeper. (Theft of personal property.)

32b) Maybe some other charges related to locating the witness at the safe house? (Stupidity.)

33) That Old Gang of Mine: Clark takes the movie ticket stub that was on the floor at the bank. (Removes evidence from a crime scene.)

34) That Old Gang of Mine: Lois plays nickel slots. (Illegal gambling.)

35) The Pilot: Clark flies to China. (International travel without a passport, avoiding Customs, and bringing food into the country.)

36) Metallo: Superman melted John Corbin’s legs. (Accessory to John Corbin’s murder, or perhaps excessive use of force.)

37) Illusions of Grandeur: Superman knocked over parking meters. (Destruction of public property.)

38a) Just Say Noah: Lois and Clark enter Smiley’s back room. (Trespassing.)

b) Even though they realized that the torn page belonged to Smiley, instead of returning it, they took it off his property. So perhaps theft could be added to their rapidly increasing rap sheet. (Theft.)

39) Requiem: Breaking and entering Menken’s Gym, specifically Dr. Sam Lane’s medical office. (Breaking and Entering.)

40) Just Say Noah: Lois and Clark took the torn page from the dead woman’s shoe (Janet). (Withholding / removing evidence from a murder scene.)

41) Operation Blackout: Lois and Clark impersonate U.S. soldiers. (Federal crime to impersonate a decorated soldier.)

42) Man of Steel Bars: Clark uses super speed to be “Superman getting out the shower”. Contempt of court, right? Since he broke his promise not to use super abilities. And this seconds after he catches himself about to heat vision up some tea. (Contempt of Court.)

43) Operation Blackout: Lois and Clark enter Fort Truman. (Trespassing on government land.)

44) House of Luthor: Clark, Jimmy, and Perry invite Jack to stay with them and have pizza. (Harboring an escaped Juvenile Detention Center prisoner).

45) Most episodes: Clark flies without a permit or filing flight plans. (Illegal flight.)

46) The Rival: Lois and Clark break into Carpenter’s office and computer.

a) Breaking and entering.

b) Trespassing.

c) Computer trespass.

47) Individual Responsibility: Superman allows the payroll check thieves to escape. (Aiding and Abetting.)

48) Individual Responsibility: Superman does nothing to prevent the kidnap of Perry White. (Aiding and abetting.)

49) Barbarians at the Planet: Lois and Clark sneak into a cemetery after hours. (Trespassing.)

50) Man of Steel Bars: Superman refuses to aid a prisoner being beaten by another while in jail. (In some jurisdictions this falls under the Good Samaritan “duty to assist” laws.)

51) Ordinary People: Superman transports cheese into the US from Switzerland without declaring it at customs. (Smuggling.)

52) Witness: Clark, destruction of the bullet that is evidence of an attempted murder of Lois. (Destruction of evidence.)

53) Individual Responsibility: Lois and Clark breaking and entering into Newtrich’s office. (Breaking and Entering.)

54) Wall of Sound: Lois fights the guard at the Stoke Club. (Assault.)

55) Lethal Weapon: Superman, due to not being able to control his powers, breaks lots of stuff. (Excessive destruction of public property.)

56) Vatman: Superman travels to France. (Avoids customs and enters a country without permission.)

57) Virtually Destroyed: Jimmy and Superman break into Jaxon’s computer. (Computer trespass.)

58) It’s a Small World After All: Clark claims he’s a Navy SEAL (Federal crime to impersonate a member of any military branch.)

59) Madame Ex: Lois throws Kryptonite bullet into the Bermuda Triangle. (Improper disposal of a radioactive substance.)

60) Sex, Lies and Video Tape: Lois Lane got a discount at Chateau Roberge by claiming to be working on a story, even though she wasn’t planning to write one. (Fraud.)

61) Ordinary People: Clark heated up the sand in the path of the tiger. (Cruelty to animals.)

62) Battleground Earth: Lois Lane attacked the colonel who ordered the use of Kryptonite gas against Nor and Superman. (Assault on a government officer.)

63) Oedipus Wrecks: Lois punches Deter out. (Assault and Battery.)

64) Chi of Steel: Lois entered the men’s club and accessed data there. (Trespassing.)

65) Strange Visitor: Clark steals/pockets the globe. Yes, I know it’s technically his and all… (Theft.)

66) The Eyes Have It: Martha attempts to pick Clark’s lock. (Attempted breaking and entering.)

67) The Eyes Have It: Jimmy actually does pick Clark’s lock. (Breaking and entering.)

68) Through a Glass, Darkly: Lois and Clark nose around the For Sale property, without anyone being around/any realtor in the vicinity. (Trespassing.)

69) The Source: Lois and Clark break into the offices of Virologic while posing as copy repair personnel and look through confidential files.

a) Trespassing and/or breaking & entering (I believe Bender even threatens to have them charged for this one.)

b) Fraud.

70) The Dad Who Came in From the Cold: Superman hides the briefcase at the start of the episode just after the agent is killed. Would technically be illegal, since the people looking for it are actually government agents. (Removal of evidence from a crime scene / murder.)

71) Seconds: Lois acting as Wanda Detroit assists Luthor in breaking into Star Labs and stealing some things.

a) Breaking and entering.

b) Theft.

72) Forget me Not: Lois uses a gun to try to kill Perry. True, she has been hypnotized into doing it by Dr. Mendenhall. (Attempted Murder.)

73) Stop the Presses: Lois rams her Jeep Cherokee through the doors of the missile silo. (Destruction of government property.)

74) Pheromone, My Lovely: Cat has sex with the copier repair guy in a public place – the copy room. (Public Indecency / Lewdness. Depending on the jurisdiction, she might have to register as a sex offender if charged.)

b) Clark looks into the Copy room and sees what Cat and the repair guy are doing, especially since he responded to hearing noise in there. (Voyeurism.)

75) Ultra Woman: Lois uses her super power to look through Clarks clothing. (Violation of privacy, Voyeurism.)

76) Target: Jimmy Olsen: Clark with Lois’s help impersonates a doctor, enters secure areas and disrupts the operation of a hospital.

a) Criminal impersonation.

b) Trespassing.

77) Ultra Woman: Lois tosses the park gate. We then hear a car getting smashed by the gate. (Destruction of personal property.)

78) Never On Sunday: Clark, while in Jamaica as a green reporter, ran the story of Hendricks/Baron Sunday and the gun running operation, presumably without checking all his sources. A background check later proves Hendricks was completely clean. (Libel and defamation of character.)

79) People vs. Lois Lane: Superman’s visits to Lois were clearly unauthorized and in violation of jail rules and procedures. (Breaking and entering.)

80) All Shook Up: Jonathan hits Clark with the baseball bat. (Attempted Assault.)

81) All Shook Up: Martha’s pushes Clark off balcony to help him fly. (Attempted murder.)

82) Green, Green Glow of Home: Clark and Lois sneak into a quarantined or secure area, i.e. Irig’s farm. (Trespassing.)

83) Green, Green Glow of Home: Clark attacks Trask in self-defense of him and his family. (Assault on a government agent.)

84) Season’s Greedings: Lois takes Space Rat and we never saw her pay for it. (Theft.)

85) Toy Story: Lois grabs Superman from little boy. (Theft.)

86) Resurrection: Lois and Clark break into Mayson’s office in Resurrection. (Breaking and Entering.)

87) Shadow of a Doubt: When Superman first finds someone strangled by Hanson, he breaks open the door, but since he can hear heart-beats and things like that he should be able to tell the guy is dead, and this seems to be negligent intervention on his part. (Needless disruption of a crime scene.)

88) The Pilot: Lois and Clark enter into what appears to be a condemned building to speak to Dr. Platt. We see them ducking under the yellow cordoned-off tape. (Trespassing.)

89) The Phoenix: Lois does not immediately report Lex to the police when she recognizes him. (Aiding and Abetting / Failures to report a wanted felon.)

90) I’m Looking Through You: Clark takes the torn piece of the invisible suit when Helene shows Lois and Clark Alan’s wrecked lab. (Removal of evidence from a crime scene.)

91) I’ve Got a Crush on You: Lois follows Toni Taylor into a condemned building. (Trespassing.)

92) Never on a Sunday: Lois removes the needle from Baron Sunday’s plane when they go to pay him a visit. (Theft.)

93) We’ve Got A Lot to Talk About: Lois breaks into Joe the Blow’s room and looks over his materials. (Trespassing.)

94) Bolt from the Blue: Clark destroys the tattoo artist’s disk so that Lois cannot track down who the guy who got the tattoo was. (Destruction of property.)

95) Ides of Metropolis: Lois attacks Detective Reed to protect Eugene and disarms her in the process. (Assaulting a police officer.)

96) And the Answer is: Clark impersonates Sergeant Zymack on the phone. (Impersonating a police officer.)

97) That Old Gang of Mine: Perry is in possession of (and presumably drove to his house) an uninsured vehicle. True, it was on loan, but you still (in most places) cannot legally drive a vehicle that has no insurance on it. (Driving without insurance.)

98) Operation Blackout: Lois steals a military vehicle and uniforms. (Theft.)

99) Foundling: Superman takes globe from Lex’s private vault where kidnap victim Jack was found. (Removal of evidence from a crime scene.)

100) Honeymoon in Metropolis: Lois and Clark listen in on Rourk & Harrison’s conversation at Apocalypse Consulting. (Eavesdropping.)

101) All Episodes: Lois and Clark stole our hearts. (Is it still theft if we gave our hearts willingly?)

THE END

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Lois and Clark Do 100 Crimes Challenge