2013 Kerth Awards Ceremony Advertisements

By VirginiaR <lc.virginiaR@gmail.com>

Rated: PG

Submitted: April 2013

Summary: These are advertisements presented during the 2013 Kerth Awards ceremony. All stories advertised were eligible for nomination for that year, although they were not necessarily a nominee.

Story Size: 1,227 words (7Kb as text)

***

Come join us in charming French Cove. We’re a small fishing village an easy ferry ride from Metropolis. Better yet, miss the ferry ride home, and stay the night at The Spendrift Inn with both beautiful ocean and garden views; breakfast is included. Have a delicious seafood dinner on Fontana’s open-air deck overlooking the ocean. It’s the perfect place to come and fall in love. It’s an even better place to say, “I’m sorry, honey. I’m a lunkhead, and I want you back.” Call today! We’ve been featured in Sue S’s “High Tide”. Don’t miss this once in a lifetime opportunity!

***

Have you seen all our new shades of glimmering polish? Besides our most popular sellers, Ultra Lavender and Princess Pink, both with actual flakes of glitter, we’ve just come out with our new Super line. Shades to match even your most favorite of heroes: Rocket Red, Babysitter Blue, and Caution-Tape Yellow. Guaranteed not to chip, peal, or melt, even during those high-octane fires or dips into acid. We’re “Super Polish” by Mouserocks! Available at both LexAid and CostMart Stores. Fly out and pick up our new colors today!

***

The Echo Lodge Hotel. Located miles from the city, it’s the perfect getaway for those couples needing to reconnect, to leave the anger behind, and to find the love they once had. We offer seminars and all types of therapy, including massage, communication, and gourmet food. Feel free to talk about your darkest secrets; our knowledgeable staff is there to listen to every detail, even the ones you don’t want people to know. For more information, check out our spread in “Only in My Dreams” by bakasi. Close your eyes, and let us make your most intimate dreams come true.

***

It was a dark time in Metropolis. A bitter rivalry had broken out between the world’s two best newspapers: The Daily Planet and the Metropolis Star. A glamorous blonde investigative reporter and a lonesome visitor from distant planet got caught in the middle. Action, intrigue, romance, a flying superhero in a skintight suit, and a beautiful whistleblower willing to do what it takes to bare it all. ‘Deadline’ has it, and you’re going to want to see it! If you only see one action movie this summer, this should be it! Lois Lane of the Daily Planet says this movie “blew…” her away, in her article “And Nothing But The Truth” (ghost written by Sue S.). This film has been rated PG-13 and has not yet been endorsed by Superman.

***

Is your vision blurry? Do people look like blobs? Are you embarrassed that you can’t find the exit in an emergency? It’s time to face the facts; you need to see a vision specialist. Are your contacts just not cutting it any longer? Are you worried what your friends and love ones would say if you suddenly started to show up wearing frames? My associate, Mary P. Potts, “Glasses” specialist is here to help you find the perfect pair to meet your needs. Or if you’re beyond hope, visit me, Dr. Harry Leit, Lasik surgeon.

***

Break out your twinkly lights and snowflake decorations, the festival of Winter Deep will soon be upon us. Come celebrate the winter fest with booths, games, hot food, and this year’s special entertainment, a surprise band will play under a sky lit by fireworks. Deadly Chakram promises that the entire royal family Jor-El, Ching, Zara, Kal, his “Contractually Bound” wife Lois, and Jai will attend. Security provided by Lux Uthor, Nor, Ran, and Drull, not that we need it with crime obliterated on Krypton millennia ago. Fun for the whole family!

***

Is life in the big city bringing you down? Do you need to be reminded of what fresh air smells like? Or how mom’s home cooked meals taste? Or how your muscles feel when you actually use them, instead of work out? This Kansas Bed and Breakfast is the place for you! Feed live animals, muck stalls, harvest corn, or try your hand at other chores necessary to run a farm. A week on The Farm and you’ll recall why you moved to the city in the first place. All you need to do is travel to “Another Dimension, Another Time, Another Lois” with VirginiaR. Nestled half way between Topeka and Wichita in small town heaven named Smallville.

***

Are you searching for the best pasta in any universe? Well, Travaglini’s is the place to go! Toni Travaglini brings the old world to the new Metropolis. On his first visit, Clark “Superman” Kent ate our lasagna and gave it two thumbs up. We can’t get a better endorsement on our lawfulness and pasta than that. We have sidewalk seating, weather permitting, and a full selection of wines. We’ve been written up in KenJ’s “Matchmaker Chronicles: Volumes 3-5”, and he guarantees we’ll be back next year, for volumes 6-7! Any rumors to mafia connections have been greatly exaggerated.

***

If you’re looking to get married at Niagara Falls, the Luxor Niagara invites you to stay with them. A variety of honeymoon suites available, all with complementary breakfasts, sunken tubs, and satin sheets, not to mention a large screen television guaranteed to make even the smallest sci-fi asteroid film look like it’s going to knock the Earth off its axis. Complimentary champagne, whipped cream, chocolate dipped strawberries, and Do Not Disturb doorknob sign upon arrival. We have both garden and Falls views, not that you’ll have time to enjoy them. Featured in “Nightfall Honeymoon” by VirginiaR., which ran in the Daily Planet’s first travel section. Computer and fax services available for a substantial fee.

***

Does your world seem bleak and post-apocalyptic? Do you just need a place to hide until the Patrol passes by? Are you looking for that someone special? Or are you just looking for a good place to lunch? Are your initials PW, LL, or CK? Many Worlds is the pub for you. It’s the place to come for good food, good ale, good conversation, and very interesting characters. Rated top in its class in “The Pub” magazine by Bobbart. Don’t take our word for it, pass through the door, and see if your destiny changes.

***

Gratitude: Many thanks to Sue S., Mouserocks, bakasi, Mary P. Potts, Deadly Chakram, KenJ, and Bobbart for writing such wonderful stories from which I drew my inspiration.

Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters. Jerry Siegel & Joe Shuster created the characters in this story as portrayed on the Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman television series, developed by Deborah Joy LeVine. I borrow the characters from time to time from Warner Bros, DC Comics, and the heirs to Siegel and Shuster, when they invade my psyche and demand I write what they tell me. Any other plots, characters, businesses, locations, and/or products in these stories, with the exception of “Nightfall Honeymoon” and “Another Dimension, Another Time, Another Lois”, belong to the authors of those stories.

THE END

Table of Contents

2013 Kerth Awards Ceremony Advertisements