The Way That We Belong

by Wendy Richards <wendy@lcfanfic.com>

Rated: PG

Submitted: April 2004

Author's note:

This story was written in celebration of the birthday of my good  friend Kaethel. And since it's Kaethel, the story is an adaptation  of The House of Luthor - don't blame me; she's the one who's  obsessed! Many thanks to my terrific beta-readers, Yvonne and Elena,  for their support, encouragement and pointing out of my idiotic  errors. ;) As ever, you guys are wonderful!

All rights to the characters belong to DC Comics and Warner  Bros; no infringement of copyright is intended by their use in this  work of fiction.

You don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone

Or wonder why I keep you on the phone I've made it obvious

Done everything but sing it

(I've crushed on you so long but on and on you get me wrong)

I'm not so good with words

And since you never notice

The way that we belong

I'll say it in a love song  ~ from Obvious, by Westlife

~ The Way That We Belong ~

Part 1

"This is wrong. I wanted the doors off the master side  balcony to be sliders. French doors make the room look  smaller."

"Hmm?"

"Lois." Lex's voice was patient but long-suffering. "We're  discussing our future bedroom here, darling. Don't you want  it to be perfect?"

Concentrate, Lois, she told herself. What was wrong with her  today? She'd managed fine for the last few weeks, hadn't she?  What was the problem? Pasting a smile on her face, she  returned her attention to the blueprints Lex was holding  under her nose, forcing herself to examine them. Taking in  the details, she stared up at her fiance in disbelief.

"Lex, the master bedroom is three thousand square feet.  That's more than twice the size of my apartment!"

"Of course it is, Lois," Lex replied, sounding as if he was  addressing a small child who was slow at understanding. "Your  apartment is... well, I'm sure it was perfectly acceptable  when you were just Lois Lane, reporter. But you're going to  be Mrs Lex Luthor, and we want a home suited to our standing  in the community, as well as somewhere which will give us the  privacy we need when we're away from the city. You wouldn't  want the servants in hearing distance when we're alone  together in our bedroom, would you?"

Alone. Together. In their bedroom.

Alone in a bedroom with her husband.

She had to stifle the gasp which instinctively came to her at  that. In a matter of weeks, she would be sharing a bedroom -  and a bed with Lex. But she'd known that, surely. Why was she  only now feeling this sudden sense of shocked realisation?

She had agreed to marry Lex. She was wearing his ring. The  church was booked. She had already had several fittings for  her dress. The invitations had been sent out.

<Wake up and smell the coffee, Lois!> she told herself  sardonically. <You're getting married. What did you expect  would happen after the wedding - that he'd kiss your cheek,  thank you for everything and then just walk away? That your  life would get back to normal?>

If only her life could get back to normal...

Lex was speaking again, and she forced herself to focus.  "What about the exercise area?" he was asking. "Should we put  it back on the ground floor?"

Exercise area, Lois mentally repeated. She could say  something sensible about that, at least. And that was one  part of Lex's grand plan for a huge ranch outside the city  which she did like. "No, I think this is right," she  countered, pointing at the space set aside for the gym  equipment. "It'll be great to get out of bed and have that  stair climber staring me right in the face saying 'Now, Lois.  Now'." She made herself smile at her fiance.

"But, darling, that'll be my line," Lex said smoothly.

<Oh, god, how corny...>

Before she had time to change the subject, Lex's mouth  covered hers.

He'd kissed her before, of course, many times. His kisses  were... pleasant, enjoyable. They didn't strike any real  sparks in her, but then she didn't think that hers did for  him either. She had decided some time ago that Lex's interest  in her arose more from a shared sense of beliefs and  principles, a feeling that they had compatible interests, a  conviction that she would be a suitable wife for him. If they  weren't entirely compatible sexually, that didn't matter so  much, she thought. They could manage, and anyway it wasn't as  if either of them was going into this expecting passion or  excitement.

But suddenly this kiss was sending alarm-bells ringing.

He was much more demanding than usual. His lips pressed hard  against hers, and his tongue was forcibly demanding entry to  her mouth. His arms, fastened tightly around her, were  pulling her close to his lean, strong body - he was a lot  more muscular under that corporate-suited exterior than he  appeared, she realised - and it was very clear from his  actions and incoherent mutterings that he was fast losing the  calm control she always associated with Lex.

Maybe... Lex didn't share her vision of their future sex life  after all?

Oh, she really didn't like what he was doing to her... But he  was her fiance, after all. She'd said that she would marry  him. She couldn't just knee him in the... well, whatever, as  she would with any other guy who dared to manhandle her like  that. She'd said she'd marry him... Had she been out of her  mind?

His wandering hands suggested that he wasn't intending to  stop at a kiss either. Lois tore herself out of his grasp and  sat back, grabbing hold of the plans in a deliberate attempt  to put some distance between them. But, with a decided glint  in his eye, Lex was moving towards her again, reaching for  the plans.

Okay, she had to play hardball here. Smiling widely at him,  she said pointedly, "Thank you, Lex, for understanding about  my wanting to wait... for our wedding night. I just want it  to be special."

The smile he gave her in return was almost feral, and held a  veiled warning. "It will be," he promised.

Rescue arrived then in the shape of Lex's assistant; Lois had  never been so pleased to see the woman. Having knocked at the  door, Mrs Cox hovered in the doorway, her usual supercilious  smile on her lips. "Lex, could we run through your schedule  for tomorrow?"

Lex looked torn; he was clearly anxious to speak to his  assistant, but he glanced at Lois with an expression which  told her that he considered they had unfinished business.  Well, as far as she was concerned, they'd finished their  business for the moment.

Scrambling to her feet, Lois said lightly, "In that case,  I'll leave you to it, Lex. I have to get to work anyway, and  I know how busy you are..."

His hand automatically came to cup her elbow. "But, Lois, we  haven't finished looking at the plans yet. Did we decide on  the twelve-car garage, or the fifteen?"

"I'm sure that whatever you choose is fine, Lex," she told  him, edging away and towards the door. "We'll talk later,  okay?"

"Yes, we will. And you know you don't need to work. As far as  your employer is concerned, you can stop any time. After all,  you do have a wedding to prepare for." He leaned towards her,  planting a brief kiss on her cheek; his expression as he drew  away told Lois that Lex wasn't fooled at all by her excuse.  He knew that she was acting strangely, and he was determined  to get to the bottom of it.

The trouble was that, as far as Lois was concerned, she  wasn't acting strangely at all. After almost two months, she  was finally coming to her senses.

********

Lois drove to the LNN studios in a daze, assaulted on all  sides by thoughts. A country ranch - a *mansion* - of almost  one hundred thousand square feet! For just two people?

Well, of course, knowing Lex, there would be servants. And  he'd have to accommodate his personal office staff, whom he  would insist on having to hand at all times. So Nigel would  need his own suite, and no doubt that irritating, omnipresent  Mrs Cox too.

And Lex had said that he wanted children, so they would need  extra bedrooms. But... *ten* bedrooms? Six reception rooms?  An entire office suite? Servants' quarters occupying at least  ten thousand square feet? Seven bathrooms, not including the  his and hers ensuite bathrooms as part of the master suite?

And a *fifteen-car garage*? Even if Lex chose the twelve-car  version... who on earth could possibly need that many cars?

Was this really how the rich lived? And how could she ever  get used to it? Did she even want to get used to it?

Lex's kisses. Why hadn't she known how repulsive they were?  How could she ever have got close to a man who aroused no  feelings at all within her other than revulsion? What on  earth had made her think that she could ever share her body  with him? And yet Lex oozed suave sophistication. How could  she possibly have known that he would turn into an... an  animal?

But maybe it wasn't Lex's fault. After all, she'd never  really felt anything very much when intimate with a man.  Claude had been... okay. Nothing to make her want to repeat  the experience, even if he hadn't stolen her story. And as  for her first time... well, if she never had to remember how  that had gone again, it would be too soon!

And yet it wasn't true to say that she'd never felt anything  in a man's embrace. She'd been kissed by Superman, after all!  And that had been... just... wow. It had been just a kiss,  but all that stuff in those romance novels about the earth  moving and stars exploding... well, it had happened. Superman  could have swept her off her feet and flown her back to  his... well, his lair or wherever it was that he lived and  had his way with her and she would have been with him every  step of the way.

It wasn't just Superman who could make her feel like that,  either. Lois felt herself flush as she remembered another  very heated - and completely unexpected kiss.

A kiss she had shared with Clark.

She remembered it very clearly. They'd been on a plane, and  Jason Trask had outlined his insane idea: to push her out and  see if Superman would somehow realise that she was in danger  and come to rescue her. And then they would kill Superman.  Terrified, but thinking on her feet, she'd demanded to be  allowed to say goodbye to Clark. The idea had been that she  would kiss him briefly, then whisper her plan to him.

Only it hadn't quite worked out like that...

She'd seized his face between her palms and kissed him. He'd  been startled for a moment, but had then kissed her back...  and a conflagration had erupted. Passion had flared between  them which had left her stunned.

She'd only just managed to drag herself away and give him his  instructions.

That hadn't been the only time. There'd been the occasion  when they'd been undercover in the honeymoon suite - he'd  kissed her to distract the maid's attention from their  surveillance equipment. And again she'd been caught up in a  blaze of desire. Despite the protest which had risen  automatically to her lips once he'd released her, she'd been  disappointed to discover that the kiss had only been a ruse.

Yes, both Clark and Superman could manage to make her *feel*  when they kissed her. Yet the sweetest kiss of all had been  the brief touch of his lips to hers Clark had given her that  awful time when he'd quit his job - last winter, during the  heatwave, that was when it had happened.

She was attracted to both Superman and Clark. And yet she'd  chosen Lex Luthor - a man she was neither in love with nor  attracted to.

Well, she'd thought that she was attracted to him, hadn't  she? Otherwise she would never have accepted dates with him.  But that kiss had made things very clear. She wasn't  attracted to Lex at all. And she couldn't even begin to  imagine being married to him.

So why on earth was she planning to marry him in just two  weeks' time?

But she wasn't really. That was the problem! It was never  supposed to have gone this far.

She hadn't actually planned on marrying Lex when she'd  accepted his proposal!

<Then why the heck did you accept him, Lois?>

The voice in her head was so clear; Clark could have been  sitting right beside her in the soft-top Mercedes. Oh, great.  Now she was channelling her former partner.

<And best friend, Lois. Or did you stop thinking of me as  your best friend when you turned me down?>

Of course her conscience would have to sound like Clark.  After all, he'd assumed the right to act as her conscience  during the year they'd worked together.

He was right, though: she had stopped thinking of him as her  friend. But then, he'd stopped acting as her friend, hadn't  he? He'd stepped out of the role himself the moment he'd told  her that he was in love with her. With a few words, he'd  changed everything. How could he expect her to act as if  nothing had happened?

It wasn't as if he'd behaved as if nothing had happened. He'd  changed too, right from the moment where she'd had to tell  him that she didn't feel the same way about him. And yet  she'd had to say it, hadn't she? She *didn't* feel the same  way. She had been, after all, in love with someone else.  *Was* in love with someone else.

Though, thinking back, Clark had seemed okay that afternoon -  well, as okay as he could possibly have been, given that  she'd just rejected his declaration of love. It hadn't been  until the following day that he'd turned bitter and  unpleasant. He'd probably slept on it and then decided that  he had the right to be upset and angry, she thought. Even  though she'd never given him any reason to believe that she  returned his feelings... even though she'd made it obvious  time and again that she was in love with Superman.

<Yeah, you were in love with Superman - and yet you're  marrying Lex Luthor!>

Lois parked the car in a vacant space in the LNN lot,  climbing out and walking wearily towards the main news  building. She was *engaged* to Lex Luthor, she told her  conscience firmly. There was a difference!

<The difference being?>

"I never intended to marry him!" she exclaimed, causing a  passer-by to give her a puzzled, then wary, look.

Put like that, she supposed she did sound like nothing more  than a flake. Oh, it was a mess! But she didn't have time to  think about it now. She had work to do.

*********

Later that evening, Lois finally left her office and headed  down to the car park. Work had kept her so busy that she  hadn't had a moment to work out what she was going to do, and  she had no doubt that Lex was expecting to see her for what  was left of the evening.

Well, he could want. But he wasn't going to get. She was  going home.

She had a lot of thinking to do, primarily - but not  exclusively - about how she was going to extract herself from  this mess. It wasn't just a matter of telling Lex that she  wasn't going to marry him, though she already knew that  ending her engagement was not going to be simple. She'd come  to know Lex fairly well over the past month or so of their  engagement - not as well as she should, she was beginning to  realise, but still well enough to understand that he could be  very territorial when it came to something he thought of as  his possession. And, she was beginning to realise, in Lex's  eyes she was very much his possession.

What had she been thinking?

She hadn't, that was the problem.

She had a lot of not-thinking to make up for - and she  intended to start with a phone call she should have made a  long time ago.

But, back in her apartment, Lois simply sat and stared at the  telephone. It had been weeks since they'd spoken, she  reminded herself. The last time they'd seen each other, at  Perry's retirement party, they'd parted on a very bitter  note. What if he didn't want to speak to her? What if he hung  up when he heard her voice?

On the other hand, if she didn't make the effort, she would  never know...

Fingers shaking, Lois dialled the number she knew by heart,  and waited, barely breathing, for him to answer.

"Hello?" His voice sounded just the same as ever, and she  immediately felt warm inside.

"Hi. It's me," she ventured, only after she'd spoken  wondering if she should have given her name. It had been a  month, after all. Supposing he didn't remember her voice?

Silence. Maybe he didn't remember after all, she thought, a  lump gathering in her throat. Or maybe he did, and didn't  want to speak to her...

"Hi. How are you?" Okay. He did remember her. But was he  pleased to hear from her? She couldn't tell. His voice was  giving nothing away.

Lois forced herself to swallow. Okay, so far no clues as to  what her reception was going to be. She would have to play  this carefully. "Terrific," she lied. "You?"

"Great."

His tone was enthusiastic, but... Lois wasn't sure. Was he  feigning it, just as she was? Maybe he was being every bit as  careful to keep up the act of sounding fine, when... he  wasn't fine.

She decided to take a chance. After all, that was why she'd  called him, wasn't it? "Clark?"

"Yes?" He sounded wary.

"I miss you."

There was another pause. Then, his voice soft, he said, "I  miss you too, Lois."

He missed her! Then maybe this wasn't a mistake after all.  She was about to speak again, but Clark got in before her.  "Well, it's kind of late. I guess I should go to bed."

He was going to hang up! "No! Wait!" she exclaimed.

"Yes?" Now he was definitely cautious.

"Clark... can we talk?"

She heard him sigh. "Lois, it's late."

"It's not too late for us, is it?" She knew he'd only been  referring to the lateness of the hour, but still...

He understood her meaning. "Lois, haven't we said everything  there is to say? I don't think..."

"Please, Clark!" she exclaimed, interrupting him. This would  be her last chance, she was sure. She could feel her one-time  best friend slipping away from her by the second. If she  couldn't get through to him now, she knew she would have lost  him, perhaps permanently. "Please. I need to talk to you. Can  I come over? Now?"

"Lois..." He sounded weary, and not, she thought, from  tiredness.

"Please, Clark! This is important."

"It's always important with you, Lois." But she thought his  tone had changed; the weary frustration had been replaced by  resignation. With maybe even a faint hint of wry amusement.

"I need you, Clark," she said softly. "Without you, this past  month... I just don't know how I've managed."

"Oh, you don't need me." Now his tone was sardonic. "What  with your brand-new important job at LNN and your brand-new  fiance, soon to be husband, and your shiny open-top  Mercedes... what on earth do you need a washed-up, unemployed  farmboy reporter like me for?"

"That's not fair, Clark," she protested, but a tiny voice  inside her was telling her that it was only too fair.  "Please," she added. "I really do need you. Things... aren't  what they seem."

He hesitated; she could almost hear him thinking, debating  with himself. Then, just as she thought he was going to end  the conversation without another word, he said quietly,  resignedly, "I'll be over there in ten minutes."

**********

Clark dropped down in the alley just behind Lois's apartment  block, still asking himself what he was doing there. He'd  told Lois on the phone that he didn't think they had anything  left to talk about, and he'd meant it. But she had always  been able to get under his defences. All she had to do was  use that particular tone of voice and he was putty in her  hands.

Even now, when part of him wanted to hate her.

She was marrying Lex Luthor in barely a couple of weeks'  time. Luthor - a man he despised, and whom he believed to be  a criminal.

And, as if that wasn't bad enough, she'd torn his heart to  shreds when she'd rejected his heartfelt declaration of love  and then thrown herself at Superman's feet, making insincere  claims that she'd love him even without his powers.

Yeah, right.

So why was he here now? Why wasn't he just taking flight  again, getting the heck out of anywhere in Lois's proximity?

Because she'd asked him to come. Because she'd said please.  Because she'd said she needed him.

Anger and frustration welled up inside him as he marched up  the steps into Lois's apartment building. He didn't know who  he despised most right at that moment: Lois for her duplicity  and shallowness, or himself for his inability to walk away  from her. His weakness.

How had he come to let her wrap her tentacles around his  heart? Just what had she done to him to make him need her so  much? She was eating away at him from the inside, slowly  destroying his heart. She was like some sort of poison, a  virus which had worked its way into his system and which  refused to let go of him. And it seemed that there was no  cure.

So here he was once again, voluntarily walking into her den,  offering himself once more as a sacrifice on the altar of  Lois Lane's vanity.

He was a fool. An idiot without the self-discipline to carry  through his resolve never to see her again.

Grimacing, he tapped on her door.

The first thing he noticed about Lois when she opened the  door was that she seemed very nervous. And unsettled.

For an engaged woman, preparing to be married in just two  weeks' time, she certainly didn't look happy.

"Thanks for coming, Clark," she said, stepping back to let  him enter. He glanced at her briefly as he passed; she still  looked the same Lois whom he'd worked alongside for almost a  year. Funny; he'd expected her to look different, somehow.  More like Lex Luthor's fiancee than Lois Lane, reporter. And  yet there she was, dressed in the same jeans and sweatshirt  he'd seen her wear on several casual occasions in the past.  It was very disconcerting.

"How did you get over here so quickly?"

Oh. The one thing he hadn't thought of when he'd told her  he'd be there in ten minutes. He didn't drive, and it was at  least an hour's walk from his place to hers. Time for another  of the little lies he'd used with her throughout the past  year. "I was lucky - I got a cab right outside my building."

She accepted it, much to his relief, nodding distractedly.  "Can I get you some coffee?" At his quick shake of the head,  she offered instead, "Tea? I think I have some of that stuff  you like... oolong? Or I have milk - at least, I hope it's  still fresh. I haven't exactly done a lot of shopping lately.  There's probably soda..."

"Lois." He cut across her, knowing that he was being brusque  but not caring. "I don't want anything to drink. I just want  to know what you want."

His tone, plus his formal, closed-off stance and the fact  that he was keeping his distance from her, clearly got  through to her. Good. She realised that he wasn't exactly  thrilled to be in her company.

"Oh." Her expression was crestfallen. "I... I hoped we could  talk. I didn't realise you really hated me this much," she  added in a low voice, turning away from him. He heard the  little choke as she continued, "It's okay, Clark. I - just  go, okay?"

Damn. She was crying.

With two strides, he was behind her. He cupped her shoulders  in his hands, tugging her back against him; his defences  crumbled even further now that he was holding her against  him. But then, he'd never been immune to her tears.

"I don't hate you, Lois," he admitted. "I don't think I ever  could. I don't like you very much right now, but... well,  that's just the way it is."

"That's okay," she said, in little more than a whisper. "I  don't like myself very much either, so why should I expect  you to?"

Okay, this was bizarre. None of what she was saying made any  sense. But what was clear was that his one-time best friend  was miserable.

He'd wanted her to be miserable. He'd lain awake at night  dreaming up scenarios in which she'd realise what a mistake  she'd made and would come to him begging him to forgive her,  and he'd laugh in her face. He'd imagined her finding out the  truth about her fiance before the wedding and being  horrified, then coming to him to tell him that he was right  all along.

Now, faced with Lois in a highly upset state, he realised  that he didn't want her to suffer after all. He was too soft- hearted for his own good, he supposed. But still... he loved  her.

"Lois, tell me what's going on," he said, turning her so that  she was facing him. "Come on - let's sit down."

She wiped her eyes roughly before joining him on the couch.  "Sorry. I don't know what came over me there. I guess it was  just a bit of a shock to realise... but then, I should have  known. We haven't exactly been close lately."

"No, we haven't," he agreed. "It's... difficult, Lois."

She sighed. "Yes."

Then, suddenly, her expression changed and he saw the old  Lois, the fighter, return. "Yes, it's difficult," she said  bitingly. "You can't accept that I chose someone else. That I  was honest with you and didn't lead you on - that I told you  as nicely as I could that I didn't love you the way you said  you love me. Clark, I'm *sorry* that I had to reject you. You  really think I wanted to hurt you? You think you don't mean  anything to me? That I wanted to lose your friendship over  this?"

Clark was about to protest that it wasn't as simple as that.  That it wasn't the fact that she'd turned him down, but that  she'd offered herself to Superman and claimed that she'd love  him as an ordinary man not hours after rejecting the ordinary  man. But, he realised, he couldn't tell her that.

There was still more to it, and he could give that to her  with both barrels. "I can accept you not returning my  feelings, Lois. I can even live with you being in love with  Superman. What's kind of hard to accept is when you go off  and agree to marry a rich guy you barely know and who I know  you're not in love with," he said, knowing that he was  sounding sarcastic but not caring. "You accept his proposal  knowing that I've told you he's a crook. And you think I  should just ignore all that and carry on being your friend?"

*********

Was that what she'd thought? Had she really been as selfish  as Clark was making out?

Actually, the truth was that she probably hadn't thought at  all. Hadn't thought that Clark was entitled to be hurt that  she'd rejected him, and even more entitled to feel that way  after she'd accepted Lex's proposal.

She could tell him that he'd had no right to expect that she  would return his feelings. She could also remind him that  she'd been as tactful and caring as she'd been capable of -  but then, he'd said he accepted her rejection. It was the  rest which left him angry and bitter.

And, of course, he had a point. She had gone off and said  she'd marry a man she didn't love.

Biting her lip, she turned to him again. "I am sorry, Clark.  I never meant to hurt you. And I guess I did think that you'd  still be my friend, which was pretty naive of me, I admit."

His anger seemed to be spent; he gave her a weary smile,  though there still wasn't much evidence of friendship or  affection in it. "I could probably have coped with that,  Lois. Even after that day... But you went off and got engaged  to Luthor! How was I supposed to feel about that?"

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "But I never actually meant to  marry him!"

*********

What?

Clark stared at her, wondering if she had actually said what  he thought he'd heard. He had. The words repeated over and  over in his mind.

She hadn't intended to marry Luthor?

"Then why the heck did you accept his proposal?" he demanded.

And then the answer to his own question came to him. It was  obvious.

She was about to speak, but he cut across her. "Wait a  minute," he said, his tone sardonic. "You were hoping that  Superman would find out and change his mind. You wanted him  to come to you and tell you that he was wrong to turn you  down. You wanted him to beg you to break your engagement and  be with him instead. Isn't that it?"

The immediate flush on her cheekbones and her guilty  expression told him he was right.

"Lois, what the hell did you think you were doing?" he  demanded, almost more appalled at this than he had when he'd  heard that she'd accepted Luthor's proposal. "You agreed to  marry a man you don't love, a man you claim to have  absolutely no intention of marrying, to try to blackmail  Superman into telling you that he loves you? Are you  *crazy*?"

Her gaze dropped to her knees and she nibbled at her lip,  before muttering, "Yeah, I think I was." A tear glistened in  the corner of her eye, and Clark's anger faded as quickly as  it had arisen. As irritated with himself as he was for being  swayed by her tears, though, he reached out his hand and  covered hers where they lay on her lap. She cast him a quick  glimpse; he saw the misery in her eyes and all the  protective, loving feelings he'd had for Lois over the past  year, and which he'd thought he'd buried, came flooding back.

He still loved her. He still wanted her. He still needed her  in his life.

The hatred, the bitterness, the feelings of betrayal - they  seemed less important suddenly now that he was faced with a  Lois who was distressed and who knew that she'd made a  mistake in getting engaged to Luthor.

"What are you going to do?" he asked quietly.

She looked down at her lap again, and his gaze followed hers.  Next to where his hand lay, covering hers, a large,  ostentatious solitaire diamond winked. Freeing her hands, she  tugged at the ring and removed it.

"I'm not going to marry him," she said, and although her  voice shook there was determination in it. Then suddenly she  smiled, and it was a smile of relief. "Oh, Clark, you don't  know how good that sounds! I'm *not* going to marry him! I'll  have to tell him tomorrow. He's not going to be happy, but  I'm suddenly happy again for the first time in weeks."

"I'm glad," Clark told her with sincerity. "Not just because  I hated the thought of you marrying him, but because I really  do think that he's dangerous."

She gave him a considering look. "I guess I should get you to  tell me why - I never let you before. But - tomorrow? I think  I've been through enough upheaval for tonight."

It was a start. They had taken a first, cautious step towards  rebuilding their friendship. There was a long way to go yet,  he knew; he had a lot of painful memories to bury, and she  had to earn his trust once more. But he wanted to trust her  again. He wanted to be her friend again. With that knowledge,  it could surely be done.

And she had already edged past the barrier she herself had  erected between them weeks ago by actually asking him to tell  her why he didn't trust Luthor.

Clark nodded. "Sure."

***********

Part 2

Lois felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off her mind.  She wasn't free yet - she still had to talk to Lex and give  him back his ring - but she'd taken the first big step. She'd  climbed off the non-stop rollercoaster she'd been on from the  moment she'd said yes to Lex.

No; probably from the moment she'd said no to Clark.

Stealing another glance at her one-time partner, she allowed  herself to wonder, for the first time, whether she had  actually been crazy to deny that she had feelings for him.

<Clark, I just don't feel that way about you>

She did feel something for him. Of course she did - otherwise  why had his absence from her life over the past few weeks  hurt so much? Why had she, every day, hoped for some form of  contact - a phone call, a knock at her door, a reply to the  wedding invitation? Why had Clark's silence mattered so much  more than Perry's or Jimmy's or anyone else's?

She'd answered him instinctively, allowing the barriers she'd  erected against him from the day they'd met to dictate her  response. And yet Clark had sneaked under those barriers long  ago. He'd become a friend like no other. She'd confided in  him, trusted him, sought him out for companionship, run to  him when she was scared.

She'd run to *him*. Not Perry. Not her mother. Not Jimmy. Not  any of the men in her contacts book. Not any of her friends  from her NOW chapter. No; when she'd been in need of support  or even just of companionship, she'd gone to Clark.

He wasn't just a friend. Was he?

"If only you'd kissed me that day in the park... then I might  have known how I felt."

It wasn't until Clark stared at her, his expression stunned,  that she realised she'd said the words aloud.

Then, slowly, giving her plenty of time to pull away, Clark  raised his hand to cup her face. Holding her lightly, he  swayed towards her, and then their lips met.

With a sound which was almost a sigh of relief, Lois slid her  hands into his hair and kissed him back, her lips parting as  she instinctively deepened the embrace.

Lex's kisses over the past few weeks had left her cold - and  his kiss that morning had repulsed her. Clark's kiss reminded  her of what a kiss should be. The feelings he evoked in her  were the same as before. The kiss on the plane. The kiss in  the Lexor. The kiss when he'd left Metropolis.

It was all so obvious - why hadn't she seen it before?

She was in love with Clark.

<But what about Superman?>

She and Superman had unfinished business; Lois felt that very  strongly. And she needed to resolve that sooner rather than  later. Even if she had just worked out where she'd gone wrong  with everything in her life - even if she and Clark had just  taken an amazing, blissful step towards something she wanted  to explore further.

Breaking the kiss, she smiled at Clark, stroking his face  with her fingertips. "I can't believe I was so stupid. That I  didn't see what we had."

He gave her a wry look. "I thought you never would see it.  That it was only me who felt it - this thing between us."

Lois bit her lip. "I did feel it," she admitted. "I was  just... running away from it. It scared me, Clark. And  plus... I was blinded by - I guess infatuation, though it  feels like a lot more than that."

"Superman," he said, grimacing.

"Yeah, Superman. And when he rejected me, I think I just  stopped acting rationally. I was so mad... I was so hurt. I  just wanted to force him to realise that he was wrong. And I  thought that if I could make him jealous..." She paused,  shrugging. Now that she'd finally put into words what had  motivated her to accept Luthor's proposal, it sounded so  stupid. So juvenile, in fact. The behaviour of a silly  teenage girl.

That unfinished business was nagging at her.

"Clark?"

"Yeah?" His expression was open, the look he gave her caring.  Loving, in fact.

"Can we take this up again tomorrow? I... need to deal with  Lex, and that's going to mean quitting my job at LNN too. But  once that's over, you and I need to have a long talk."

He nodded. "Yes, we do. Like you said, it's about time I told  you everything about why I think he's dirty - including what  Superman knows."

Superman? Superman knew stuff about Lex and hadn't told her?

So he hadn't just ignored the fact that she was engaged to  marry someone else despite her declaration of love for him;  he'd also failed to tell her the very important information  that her fiance might be a criminal!

But that wasn't Clark's fault. She stood, and he got to his  feet as well. "So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

She nodded. "Count on it. Can I call you as soon as I'm  free?"

"Great." He hesitated, then leaned towards her again. She met  him halfway in another sweet, dizzying kiss which started to  make her regret sending him away. But before she could think  of asking him to stay, he broke the kiss and smiled at her.  "I'll see you tomorrow, okay? And - you be careful."

She nodded. "I will. And, Clark?"

"Yeah?"

"I... I love you."

His expression lit up in a brilliant smile. "I love you too,  Lois." Then, his hand on the door, he added, "Goodnight."

As the door closed behind him, Lois sank back onto her sofa.

Would it really have been that easy all along? Had all she  needed to do was tell Clark that she was sorry, that she'd  been wrong, that she wanted another chance? That she didn't  want to marry Lex? For weeks it had seemed as if there'd been  an insuperable barrier between them. Even when she'd been  trying to persuade him to come over, she'd felt doubtful of  the possibility of success. When he'd arrived, he'd been so  cold and distant that she'd thought there was no chance of  salvaging anything of their friendship.

Oh, she'd been so incredibly stupid!

But it was almost all over now. A great weight had been  lifted from her mind. She had taken the decision to break off  her engagement - and at last she'd opened her mind to the  possibility that Clark had been right about Lex all along.  She'd finally believed him, and that had clearly pleased him.

And they'd taken the first step towards making their own  relationship closer. She'd finally admitted that she'd been  in denial about her feelings for him, and miraculously he  still felt the same way.

Clark loved her. And she loved him.

But before they could be together openly, she had to free  herself of other entanglements. Lex she could deal with  tomorrow. Right now, that other bit of unfinished business  required attention - even more urgently in the light of what  Clark had just told her.

She stood up and grabbed her coat and keys, then let herself  out of her apartment.

**********

Clark walked down the steps from Lois's building, still  stunned. What the heck had just happened in the last ten  minutes?

He'd been ready to leave right after she'd told him she  wanted to talk about Luthor, but tomorrow. He'd been about to  walk towards the door, relieved that she was no longer  marrying the man, tentatively happy that they'd begun the  path towards rebuilding, renewing their friendship.

And then...

That kiss.

No; that comment of hers, the one he knew he wasn't supposed  to have heard, about a kiss. That he should have kissed her  when he'd told her he loved her.

He hadn't even stopped to think what she could have meant by  it. He'd just reached for her and kissed her.

And she'd swayed towards him, meeting his lips willingly,  with yearning.

Their first real kiss, and it had left him weak at the knees,  heady with sensation, aching with longing. The power of her  kiss was as effective as Kryptonite - she'd left him drained.  But blissfully so.

It had been hard to leave, knowing how much he'd wanted to  kiss her again. Longer. Deeper. With everything that he had -  and with everything that she had. It had been torture to pull  away from that second kiss, just before he'd left her.

But he'd done the right thing. Lois had said she needed time,  that she'd had a lot to deal with that evening - including  making the decision to dump her fiance. It wouldn't be  sensible to rush her into something she might not be ready  for - something she might regret in the cooler light of day.

Something she might regret?

He paused in the act of starting to spin into the Suit.  Something that she might regret. Now, only now, did it occur  to him that her comment, their kiss, even her declaration of  love could be explained by something as simple as...

Rebound.

She'd spent the last two months as Lex Luthor's fiance. Being  with him. Spending all her free time with him. Kissing him.  Probably doing even more with him.

He'd thought that she was happy, but on seeing her this  evening he'd noticed the strain that she couldn't hide. From  what she'd said, from her admission that she'd only accepted  Luthor's proposal to put pressure on Superman, it was clear  that she'd been under considerable pressure ever since she'd  let the man put that ostentatious ring on her finger. It was  only natural that she'd be relieved - hugely relieved - to be  able to put the charade, if that was what it was, at an end.

So relieved that she'd tell her one-time best friend that she  loved him? That she'd kiss him with longing?

He shouldn't be having doubts, he told himself, and spun into  the Suit. Taking off rapidly, he reminded himself that all he  had to do was trust her. And not even for very long - just  until the following day. Just until she called him and said  she was ready to talk. He could do that, couldn't he?

And then he saw her. Hurrying down the steps, walking rapidly  up the street. To her car - that ostentatious, ridiculous  convertible Luthor had given her. Unlocking the car. Getting  inside. Starting the engine. Driving off.

She couldn't have decided to deal with Luthor now, could she?

Alarmed, he followed her, flying high overhead so that she  wouldn't see him. But she didn't take the turnings which  would lead her to Luthor's penthouse. Instead, her manoeuvres  through the city streets were taking her in the direction of  the Daily Planet. Or... what had once been the Daily Planet.

It didn't make sense. Why was she going there? Why, at almost  midnight, had she chosen to pay a visit to a burned-out shell  of a building which had once been a thriving, busy newspaper  office?

But that, he realised, was probably exactly why she was going  there. He'd sensed, during their conversation, that she had a  lot of regrets. Things - people - she had missed and perhaps  had felt that she'd lost forever. And, of course, the Daily  Planet was where all that she'd lost, all that she'd missed,  belonged. Had once belonged.

A trip down Memory Lane? Exorcising her regrets? Making a  promise to herself to try to put right at least some of what  had gone wrong?

Still, he didn't like the idea of her being here alone,  especially if she intended to go inside - the building had  been made safe by firefighters and the insurers, but only to  the extent that it wasn't going to collapse. It certainly  wasn't safe for entry by someone who knew nothing about  dangerous buildings. On top of that, the electricity supply  had been cut off, so it would be pitch-dark inside.

He hovered above as she went inside. Tensed in breathless  fear as she climbed the damaged stairwell, gripping onto the  handrail for support. Stared in puzzlement as she pushed open  the door leading to the roof - and then froze at what she did  next.

Standing on the roof, hands on her hips, Lois - in no  apparent danger at all - yelled, "Help! Superman!"

So that was it. That was why she'd sent him away. She'd  wanted to talk to Superman - make one last attempt to win him  for herself.

<But she said she loves me...>

What other reason could she possibly have for wanting to see  Superman right now? he asked himself bitterly. He'd been  right after all; Lois hadn't really meant the kiss or her  declaration of love. She still wanted Superman.

How could he possibly have forgotten about her real reason  for saying yes to Luthor? Or the way she'd thrown herself at  him, in his Superman guise, on that horrible night?

She wanted Superman. But she wasn't going to get him. He  turned, ready to fly away.

But then a better idea occurred to him. Once and for all, he  would make it clear to Lois that he was off-limits. Not  interested. Completely unavailable so far as she was  concerned.

Making his expression as stern as he could possibly manage,  creating an impassive mask that even Lois Lane couldn't  possibly pierce, he floated down to land some feet away from  her.

"You called for me, Lois. And yet you don't seem to be in any  sort of danger. I assume that there is some important reason  why you required my presence?"

**********

Well, he'd come, but he wasn't happy about it. The hostility  was coming off him in waves. He stood some distance from her,  his cape billowing in the light summer breeze, his arms  crossed in front of his chest as if his expression wasn't  sending out enough `back off' signals. He clearly wasn't a  happy Super-hero.

But nor was she a happy non-rescuee.

She didn't give a damn about Superman's mood. He was  obviously mad at her for some reason, but she was just as mad  at him. Probably even more so.

"Yes, I wanted to see you," she told him tersely. "I want  some answers from you. Now."

He seemed taken aback by her tone, the mask slipping briefly  to reveal a surprised blink of his eyes. What? Had he thought  that no human would ever have the temerity to be annoyed with  him?

"It would help if I knew what the questions are," he said,  not relaxing his stance.

"Okay. Let's start with why you chose not to tell me what you  know about Lex Luthor. You were prepared to let me marry a  man who - according to Clark - you believe is... `dirty', I  think is what Clark said. A criminal." She glared at him.  "Just where do you get off not telling me about something  like that?"

Again, she had the sensation that she'd completely floored  him. But after a moment the distant expression returned. "I  understand Clark tried to tell you."

"Yes, okay, I should have listened to Clark," Lois muttered,  resenting being put in the wrong - after all, she was the one  with every right to be mad at him! "But that doesn't excuse  what you did. You should have told me!"

"When, Lois?" he asked, his voice deceptively mild. "When you  threw yourself at me in your nightgown? Or once you had the  guy's ring on your finger?"

Stung, Lois turned away. This wasn't going as she'd expected.  Superman was supposed to have been taken aback and ridden  with guilt by her accusation. He wasn't supposed to answer  her back! He wasn't supposed to be making her feel as if she  was the one in the wrong.

"I don't know why I even thought I wanted to talk to you,"  she snapped, turning back to glare at him. "Just go. I'm sure  there's someone somewhere who wants you."

"I didn't say anything because you wouldn't listen to Clark  when he tried to tell you," Superman said, sounding  frustrated. Giving an expressive shrug - at last, he'd  altered his stance from that off- putting arms-crossed  posture - he added, "Why should I assume that you'd listen to  me?"

"Of course I'd listen to you!" Lois exclaimed. What on earth  was he talking about? She hadn't listened to Clark because...  oh, because Clark had just been jealous, she'd thought - and  anyway, he'd never actually said anything very specific  anyway.

"You would have?" There was genuine surprise and uncertainty  in his voice now.

Lois sighed. She'd really been so incredibly wrong about  Superman, hadn't she? She'd thought she understood him, as he  understood her. But their two last meetings alone, two months  apart, showed her that he hardly knew her at all. He  certainly didn't think very much of her, either.

"You should have told me," she said flatly. "I thought you  were my friend, and friends should look out for each other.  But I guess," she added coolly, "you haven't been my friend  for a while, Superman."

When he didn't answer, she added, "I suppose you took Clark's  side when I turned him down. Not that I can blame you too  much for that. But still..."

Suddenly, he moved. He'd been standing in the same place for  so long that seeing him take a step towards her almost  unnerved her.

"I am your friend, Lois," he said quietly as he came to a  stop in front of her - in easy touching distance. "I haven't  been a very good friend lately, that's certainly true," he  added in regretful tones. "Maybe I can make up for that now?  I know it's kind of late, but do you want me to tell you what  I know about Lex Luthor?"

Lois shook her head. She wanted to hear it from Clark now,  not Superman. Apart from feeling that she owed it to him to  listen to what he had to say, after her previous treatment of  him, she didn't really like the thought of the full extent of  her idiocy exposed in front of the Super-hero.

"No. Thank you," she added, almost as an after-thought.  "Clark's going to tell me tomorrow. I take it he knows  everything you know?"

Superman nodded.

"And I've already broken off the engagement, by the way."

He inclined his head. "I... noticed the absence of the ring.  I'm glad." Somewhat awkwardly, after a moment, he added, "I  hope it wasn't too painful a decision..."

Lois shrugged. "I wasn't in love with him, Superman. But you  know that anyway, I guess," she said, remembering with  excruciating clarity the way she'd behaved when he'd come to  her apartment. She winced then, realising that she'd given  him an opening to ask just why she had accepted Lex's  proposal - an explanation she really didn't want to have to  go into with him.

But, to her relief, he didn't ask. He took an awkward step  towards her, reaching for her with one arm extended. The hug  was brief, but warm, and when Superman stepped back he smiled  at her for the first time since he'd landed in response to  her call.

"Friends again?"

"Sure." She returned his smile, realising that it felt very  good to have got past all that awful stuff with Superman,  then remembered the other reason she'd wanted to talk to him  - the bit of `unfinished business' which had been on her mind  earlier. "Actually, there's something else I wanted to ask  you - if you don't mind?"

"I have a few minutes. So go ahead."

"It's..." She hesitated, awkward about referring again to  that dreadful night. "Look, I'm not going to embarrass either  of us by repeating what I said to you the last time we...  talked. I just wanted to ask you about something you said."

He looked abashed. "Uh... Lois, I said some things I didn't  mean, that night. Specifically... I'm sorry for that crack  about your robe. I should never have said that. I *would*  never..."

Lois waved his apology aside. "I know that. I mean, it's nice  to hear you say it, because I was pretty shocked at the time,  but it's not important. That's not what I wanted to ask you  about."

Now he looked wary again. "What's that?"

"Remember you said that you didn't believe me when I said I'd  love you even if you were an ordinary man? You said `under  the circumstances' you didn't see how you could," she  reminded him.

He nodded; she noticed a muscle twitching in his jaw.

"What did you mean by `under the circumstances', Superman?  What circumstances?"

*********

What circumstances?

Oh, he knew what circumstances, all right, but that wasn't  something he'd had any intention of telling Lois.

And yet...

Lois had proved him wrong time and time again tonight. She'd  surprised him at her apartment, and she'd done it again here,  now. He hadn't trusted her. He'd been so sure that she was  about to throw herself at him - Superman - again, but instead  she'd berated him.

Now, she wanted an explanation for something she was quite  rightly puzzled by.

It wouldn't be too difficult to explain away - but did he  really want to?

If Lois really loved him - Clark - then he'd have to deal  with this anyway, wouldn't he?

He took a deep breath. "Under the circumstances... that you'd  already turned me down as an `ordinary man', Lois."

It was only as he said the words that it occurred to Clark  that he really should have rehearsed this speech. Or at the  very least spent some time preparing to deal with her  reaction. This was Lois, after all. She was every bit as  likely to fly off the handle and rage at him as she was to  storm off in disgust. Or throw things at him. Or play it cool  but spend time thinking up an appropriate form of revenge.

She did none of those things.

Instead, she went pale. Her jaw slackened. She actually took  a step backwards. And, although she opened her mouth after a  few moments, no words emerged.

"Lois!" Worried, he caught at her arm. "Are you okay?"

"I..." Her voice cracked as she tried to speak, and she took  a shuddering breath. "As... as well as I could be when you  spring something like that on me!"

"Uh... yeah, I guess I should've led up to it a bit," he said  apologetically, slipping his arm around her in case she did  the unthinkable for Lois and fainted.

"I guess I know now why you didn't tell me about Lex," she  said, her tone still strained. "I mean, I'd already refused  to listen to you... but surely you knew I'd be more likely to  listen to you as... well, when you're like this!" She  gestured at his costume.

"You're right, and I should have thought of that," he  admitted. "But, you know, Lois, I've always hated the fact  that I could say something to you as myself and as Superman,  and you'd only take me seriously as Superman. I... guess I  was partly being stubborn by not talking to you as Superman."  "And - " She broke off, looking up at him with an apologetic  look. "You had every right to be mad at me for that. I wasn't  fair to you, Clark."

"I don't think I was fair to you either." He dropped his arm  from around her shoulders and moved a few feet away. "We had  too many secrets between us, Lois. I'm glad we've got them  all out into the open now."

Clark caught her gaze, taking note of the interested  curiosity which had replaced her initial shock. "I've wanted  to be honest with you for a long time, Lois. And so..."

In a deliberately exaggerated movement, he went into a spin,  coming to stop a few moments later in the jeans and polo  shirt he'd been wearing just half an hour earlier when he'd  left her apartment.

"...I want you to know the real me. Clark. Not Superman, and  I guess not really an ordinary man either - just me.  Superpowers and farmboy all in one," he added with a self- deprecating grin.

*********

The shock of discovery was just about dying away - but  Clark's little spin manoeuvre almost caused Lois to faint  once again. How had she missed just what her partner was  hiding? How had she failed to notice that Clark Kent was no  ordinary guy?

Oh, she had a long list of epithets and descriptions which  she could apply to herself for missing the real Clark Kent.  Though, strangely enough, she wasn't berating herself any  more strongly than she had been earlier, when she'd finally  admitted her feelings for him to herself.

She had dozens of questions for him. Hundreds, probably. But  top of her list was just one: she needed to know that he  still loved her. That Clark, now having revealed himself as  Superman, the man she'd made such a fool of herself over,  hadn't changed his mind about her because she'd been so  idiotic.

"Lois?" His concerned voice broke into her thoughts.

She met his gaze again.

"Are you mad at me?"

He seriously thought that she was mad at him? While she was  actually wondering whether he still loved her?

Well, she probably could have been, she thought on  reflection. But then, she'd been so stupid, so idiotic  herself over the past couple of months that any  transgressions on Clark's part seemed miniscule next to hers.

"Are you mad at me?" she countered.

"Lois!" he growled at her. She raised an eyebrow at him.  "Okay," he said. "Yes, I was mad at you. But that was  earlier. You know I'm not mad now. How could I be?"

"Oh, I don't know," she drawled, trying to hide her fears  from him through the apparent casualness of her tone. "Maybe  me telling you I'm not in love with you and then throwing  myself at you a few hours later? And claiming that I'd love  you if you were an ordinary man... and then accepting Lex's  proposal because you turned me down?"

Clark shrugged. "I haven't behaved much better, Lois. You  know that. I could have told you all this a long time ago -  including why I think Luthor's dirty. And I didn't have to be  so mean to you that night."

She took a step towards him, hope in her heart again. "So we  can kiss and make up, then?" she asked cautiously.

He grinned, reaching out for her and swinging her into his  arms. "That sounds like the perfect idea."

Up on the roof of the Daily Planet, the building where it had  all started, Clark wrapped his arms around her, lowering his  lips to hers as she took his face between her palms, bringing  his face down to hers. The lights of the city, spread out  around them and beneath them, paled into insignificance next  to the explosion caused to her senses by Clark's kiss.

Not Lex. Not even Superman. She was being kissed by the only  man she ever wanted to kiss her again. And if she'd thought  that Clark's kisses were amazing before, this one took her  breath away. She felt as if she was floating.

And then she realised that they were actually floating.

Breaking the kiss, Clark grinned crookedly at her. "Sorry.  That happens sometimes when I'm not concentrating. And you  kind of make it difficult for me to concentrate!"

Lois laughed. "I'm not sorry about that!"

"Good." He smiled again, then bent to brush his lips across  hers once more. "I always hoped you'd see it too, Lois," he  added softly.

She reached up to kiss him quickly before answering. "You  did? See what?" She knew what he meant, but wanted him to  tell her once more the way he felt about her.

"The way that we belong, Lois." He touched his forehead to  hers. "The way I've felt we've belonged since the day I first  saw you."

"I'm sorry I was so slow to see it," she told him. "But I  love you now, Clark. It might have taken me a while to see  it, but I got there in the end."

"And that's what matters," he assured her, before claiming  her lips again and at the same time, she realised a few  moments later, swooping upwards with her in his arms.

"I always wondered which was better: kissing or flying," he  explained when she broke the kiss and looked at him  quizzically.

"And...?" she asked, curious.

He grinned again. "Neither. Flying *and* kissing is the best  of all."

And, as he suited action to words, Lois decided that she  wasn't going to argue with that.

~ The End ~

(c) Wendy Richards 2004 wendy@lcfanfic.com

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