A Thousand Little Deaths

By FinLi <fin.li@verizon.net>

Rated: PG

Submitted: June 2006

I just got finished watching the episode "Contact" and I was moved to write this after watching the end.

Lois has discovered that Clark is Superman and their relationship has been a little rocky. But just as Lois is coming to terms with it, an accident has Clark having second thoughts.

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I've died a thousand little deaths today, each one worse than the last.

Every time something happens, when something goes wrong, I've always felt confident, maybe even over-confident, that I could do anything. I thought that I was fast enough, and strong enough to overcome any obstacle. But in truth, I can't control everything, and I got careless, and she got hurt.

My heart stopped, the world ground to a halt, and time stood still as I looked at her motionless body lying at my feet. Every moment that she remained unconscious, I died a little.

I save people; I don't get them hurt - until now.

I love her so much, but I realize now that, as long as we are together, others will try to use her against me, and I can't let that happen.

So now, I'm telling her that we can't be together. The pain in her soft, brown eyes slices me to my very soul, but losing her would be so much worse.

Tears slide down her face and I long to kiss them away, to take her in my arms and hold her, protect her. Tell her that I love her and that I will never let her go. But I can't. I can't take that risk.

In the distance, I hear a cry for help, and I rise from her side, but her hand on my arm stops me for a moment, her eyes pleading with me not to go. I turn away, knowing that if I look into her face again I will be lost, that I'll stay, and she will get hurt again.

So I pull away, and head for the open window, out into the cold night air.

"Clark?" I hear her call after me - and I die a little.

The End

Table of Contents

A Thousand Little Deaths