PML Oh Boy...!

by Tank Wilson <tankw1@aol.com> and Wendy Richards  <wendy@kingsmeadowcr.freeserve.co.uk>

Rated: PG13

Submitted: February 2001

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Authors' notes:

Tank says:  A while back on the boards it seemed that there was a  story or two being posted using the premise of PML.  In the series  Clark  wasn't affected by the pheromone but later he was by the Space  Rats spray, so I wondered what might happen if Clark had also been  affected by Miranda's little concoction.  So, as I've been known to  do in the past, I wrote a little (very short) 'punchline' vignette.  I think the gentle reader will be able to tell where that punchline  was.  I posted said vignette to the board and left it there for all  to do with as they will.  As has happened to me before, some of the  readers felt that it should be continued... I didn't.  An apparent  newcomer on the boards, calling herself Jane Doe,  asked for  permission to extend the little throw away.  I didn't care, so she  did.  The end product was a full blown short story of which I had  little to do with but the initial 'punchline'.  Oh, and by the way;  it turned out to be a very good short story, but then once Jane's  true identity was revealed, that was no longer a surprise.  I will  admit that I didn't catch on during the posting of the subsequent  parts as to the secret identity of this new writer, but then so were  many others.  Besides, she also cheated by altering her style a bit  to throw us off.  But then I'll let you, the gentle reader, decided  if you would have caught on, or been fooled like most of us.

Wendy says: I seem to have something of a reputation now for  finishing Tank's evil little stories. This one was particularly evil,  in that it left us all gasping at his audacity and desperate to know  what happened next. Tank, however, was insistent that we would not  find out - at least, not from him! I was already posting another  story on the boards, though, and felt somewhat reluctant to post a  second at the same time. Coincidentally, I'd been toying with the  idea of experimenting with posting a short story under another  nickname, to see whether my style was as recognisable as people  sometimes suggest it is. Thus 'Jane_Doe' was born. I did alter my  style in one small respect, and I also used US spelling and  vocabulary as far as I was aware of it. To my amazement, although one  or two people wondered openly who 'Jane_Doe' was, no-one guessed her  identity. One person even decided that she couldn't be me, because of  the one small change I'd adopted. Anyway, once the entire story was  posted, I revealed myself, which is why the Archive version of this  story is posted under my real name. I blame it all on Tank, though:  if he hadn't created such an audacious plot development in the first  place, I wouldn't have been driven to continue it!

All rights in the recognisable characters in this story belong to DC  Comics and Warner Brothers, and no breach of copyright is intended in  their use in this work of fiction.

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PML Oh Boy...!

Clark, Lois, Jimmy and several other bullpen reporters wrinkled their  noses in disgust as a shapely blonde waltzed by spraying something  into the air as she went. Clark didn't pay much attention to who she  was or why she was there; he was too focused on the horrible odor of  the stuff.

As the day continued on Clark noticed that he had a hard time  focusing on his computer screen. His head seemed kind of foggy, like  he couldn't think straight. The facts and figures he was trying to  check for his story on the Mayor's new budget proposal seemed to  dance tantalizingly in front of him, never quite making any real  sense.

He found his thoughts continually straying back to Lois. Now, that  wasn't an unusual situation for him, but this was different. He kept  fantasizing about himself and Lois in very compromising  circumstances. Clark kept sneaking peaks over at Lois. She looked  even more incredible than she usually did. Her skin was slightly  flushed as she unbuttoned the top couple of buttons on her blouse.  She absently played her fingertips across her lips as he noticed her  sneaking glances over at him.

Finally, he'd had enough. He'd decided that he was going to act. He  would deny his feelings no more. He knew he loved Lois, and he was  going to tell her. He gave no thought to what she might or might not  say as he shut his computer off and turned.

Clark found himself face to face with Lois, who'd already come over  to his desk. She perched herself on the corner of his desk, her skirt  riding up exposing quite a bit of her long, shapely leg. She drew her  finger nail along Clark's cheekbone. He found himself reacting to her  move by capturing her finger and gently sucking the end of it.

"Clarrrk, you know what we should do?" Lois' sultry delivery made the  simple statement sound quite provocative.

Clark placed his own hand along her cheek. "I think we should, maybe,  get out of here," he answered in a husky whisper.

Her smile was wide, and luminous. She bounded off his desk and,  grabbing him by the hand, the two of them hurried up the ramp toward  the elevators... and freedom.

********************

Forty-eight hours later.

Clark slowly pulled himself out of the depths of a hard, dreamless  sleep back into the world of consciousness. His head ached worse than  he'd ever felt before. Some small part of his rational mind told him  that this must be what a typical headache felt like. He didn't know  why he was experiencing it now, but he was glad that such things  weren't the norm for him.

As his eyes finally began to focus he was startled to see that he  didn't recognize the room around him. His eyes locked on the cheap  wallpaper, and the horrible decorator paintings that adorned the  otherwise plain walls. A simple low chest of drawers sat tight to the  wall a couple of feet from the edge of the bed. He couldn't remember  how he got there, but it was obvious that he was in a hotel room.

As he turned his head to the other side of the room, he quickly  noticed that he wasn't in bed alone. He sat bolt upright, a move his  head regretted immediately. There was no mistaking the petite,  beautiful brunette lying next to him in the queen-sized bed. Lois had  her back to him, but he'd know that fantastic body anywhere. The way  her dark silky hair fell across her creamy shoulders, the way...  Clark shook his head trying to clear it. What was he thinking? What  was he doing here? And more importantly, what was Lois doing here -  with him!

He watched as Lois mumbled something in her sleep and began to roll  over toward him. In a near panic, Clark looked around for his  glasses. Finding them on the nightstand next to his side of the bed,  he quickly put them on. He barely had them in place when Lois' eyes  opened.

At first her sleepy face was arranged in a pleased, contented look.  As her eyes began to focus, Clark could see the changes take place as  first confusion, then recognition took hold. Her eyes got real wide,  then her head snapped around, taking in their surroundings. She too  sat bolt upright, a move that Clark imagined didn't feel any better  for her than it had for him.

Holding the sheet up close to her chest Lois stared accusingly at  Clark. "Where are we? What did you do?"

"Lois, I have no more idea of why, or where we are than you do!"  Clark waved his hand around in a gesture of futility. "Last thing I  remember is being at the Planet trying to write a story on the  mayor's budget."

Clark could tell that Lois didn't entirely believe him, but he  shrugged again for her benefit. She reached over to the nightstand on  her side of the bed and, grabbing the remote, clicked on the  television. Both Clark and Lois paled as they listened to the news  report. Lois quickly turned off the set.

Lois turned to Clark, genuine fear in her eyes. "Clark? Did we really  lose two full days?"

Clark knew his own expression was one of complete confusion. "I don't  know. It appears so."

Clark glanced about the floor trying to locate his shirt and pants  when a shriek from Lois commandeered his attention. She was holding  her left hand out in front of her. Her voice was shaky.

"Ohmigod! what did we do?" She was staring at the third finger of her  left hand.

Clark felt his heart skip a beat as his own eyes were drawn to the  beautiful diamond ring adorning Lois' finger. Fearfully, his gaze was  forced down to his own hand. Surrounding the third finger of his left  hand was a simple, tasteful band of gold. When he brought his gaze  back up to Lois, he could see that she was looking at his hand also.

Unmindful of his near total state of undress, Clark tossed back the  covers and wandered over to the table set in the far corner of the  room. He'd spied a piece of paper lying there. Once there, a quick  read confirmed his suspicions. Holding the paper tightly in his hand  he came back and sat on the edge of the bed.

Lois' voice had regained some of it's strength. "What is it? What does it say?"

As he turned to look at Lois once again, Clark couldn't help but  smile. His dream had been answered. He held it out in front of her so  she could see it.

"It says we're married, Lois."

********************

Lois stared at Clark, horrified. Then she sprang out of bed,  remembering just in time to wrap the sheet around her, and ran over  to grab the paper from him. He hadn't been kidding. It was a marriage  certificate, issued in - of all places - *Las Vegas*!!

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed, close to tears. "I... really... did this?  And *Las Vegas* of all places? How much more tacky can you get?"

"Uh... I guess not a lot, Lois," Clark agreed, noting her appalled  reaction with a sinking feeling. He shouldn't be surprised, he  supposed. After all, when had Lois shown any signs of being  interested in him? Him, as opposed to Superman? And, now that his  head was beginning to clear, he was figuring out that something  really weird had happened to both of them. He certainly didn't  remember what had happened, or how they'd ended up married, and it  was obvious that Lois didn't either. Somehow, they'd been acting out  of character; he had no idea what had caused it, but it was just as  obvious that whatever it was had worn off now.

And now, they had to deal with the consequences.

Wait a minute... Las Vegas?

*How* had they got to Vegas?

He hadn't... had he?

Clark closed his eyes in a brief moment of agony as it occurred to  him that, on top of everything else, he had probably revealed himself  to Lois as Superman. That would have been the obvious way to get to  Las Vegas, unless somehow in this drunken stupor, or whatever it was  he'd been under, he'd remembered to keep his identity a secret. But,  since his intention had clearly been to *marry* Lois, why would he  have worried about keeping Superman a secret?

Unfortunately, it was only too possible that he had told her.

Lois, meanwhile, was oblivious to the thoughts going through Clark's  mind. She was staring at the marriage certificate in total disbelief.  <What have I done? Am I completely crazy?! To marry *Clark Kent*? >

Then her gaze was caught by the rumpled bed, from which she'd just  emerged so precipitately. She'd been in that bed. And *Clark* had  been in that bed *with her*. They'd been in bed *together*!

And... and they'd lost two days. And they were married. Did that  mean... did that mean that she'd *had sex* with Clark?

Now that she thought about it, she did feel kind of tender... It had  been some time since she'd been intimate with a man, so... Oh, god!  She *had* had sex with Clark! And she wasn't even using any birth  control!

She ran to the bed and began to search the nightstands, the bed  itself, and the floor around the bed.

Nothing.

Then she hurried into the bathroom, tripping over the sheet as she  went, and searched the trash can. Still nothing. <He could have  flushed them down the toilet> she told herself. That was it. Surely  she wouldn't have been so careless as to have sex with Clark without  birth control? Surely *he* wouldn't have been so irresponsible?

<But would he think it was irresponsible? You're *married*!>

"Lois?" Clark's tentative voice interrupted her frantic thoughts.  "Are you okay?"

"Okay?" She marched out of the bathroom and glared at him. "Okay?! I  have just woken up to find that I've lost two whole days. I don't  remember one moment of that time. I find myself in *bed* with a guy I  work with, with whom I have *no* romantic relationship whatsoever,  and I have never had any desire to go to bed with. And I then  discover that, somehow, *God* knows how, I'm *married* to him.  *Married*! And I don't even remember saying 'I do'. Yeah, I'm okay.  I'm just fine!"

Clark winced. He knew Lois didn't care about him the way he loved  her. So naturally this was hardly the kind of situation guaranteed to  please her. But did she *have* to make him quite so aware that this  was about her worst nightmare?

He was about to suggest that they get dressed and try to figure out  what had happened, but before he could speak she was ranting again.  "I'm going to find out exactly what you did to me to get me here,  Kent. And then I'm going to sue you for abduction, false imprisonment  and - probably - rape too. You're going to wish you'd never laid a  finger on me!"

Something froze inside him, and he turned away. "Think what you like,  Lois. Do what you like.  I'm going to get dressed and figure out  where we are," he muttered coldly.

Lois became aware for the first time of his state of undress, and  flushed. He was wearing... shorts. Just shorts. And his body was  every bit as good - no, as *perfect* - as it had been that day she'd  called at his hotel and found him dressed in a towel.

She'd had sex with Clark. And, somewhere inside her, she found  herself thinking that if she *had* had sex with such a gorgeous man,  it would be nice if she could at least *remember* it! Especially as  it was *never* going to happen again...

"We'll have to get an annulment," she muttered to herself as Clark  gathered up his clothes, which were scattered on the floor.

"Ummm... Lois, I'm not sure we can," he mumbled, clearly embarrassed.

"What?"

"Ah... I'm guessing, since we were in bed together, that we  probably... uh... consummated the... uh, marriage," he stammered,  sounding extremely uncomfortable.

He was right. They couldn't get an annulment. It would have to be  divorce, then. But then what he'd said filtered through to her brain.  "You don't *know* whether we did or not?"

This time he looked at her. "I told you - I can't remember a thing!  The last thing I remember is being in the newsroom." Now he looked  belligerent, as well as hurt, which was hardly surprising in view of  the things she'd just accused him of. And, now that she stopped to  think about it, she'd accused him unfairly. She knew Clark. And the  Clark Kent she knew would not do any of the kind of things she'd  accused him of.

And it was perfectly clear that Clark was just as confused as she was.

She took a deep breath and walked over to him. "Clark?"

"Yeah?" he muttered.

"I'm sorry."

That made him look at her. "For what?"

"For what I said to you. I know you wouldn't do anything like that.  And I'm sorry I thought you did." She gave him a wry, apologetic  smile.

He looked at her in silence for a long moment, before relaxing his  stance fractionally. "It's okay, Lois. I understand. I know this has  to be a shock for you."

"For you, too," she acknowledged.

He sighed deeply. "Yeah."

"Look, let's both get dressed and then figure out what we're going to  do, okay?" she suggested.

He nodded. "You want the bathroom first?"

She accepted gratefully, grabbing her clothes and shutting herself in  the bathroom.

*********************

Clark sat on the bed, head in his hands, and tried to figure out what  could have happened. Obviously, both of them had been affected by  *something*, but he had no idea what it could have been. Alcohol  didn't affect him, so it couldn't be that. Some sort of drug? But he  was resistant to just about all drugs, as far as he knew.

At least, if Lois didn't remember anything at all about what had  happened, then if he had flown her to Las Vegas himself his secret  was safe. She clearly had no memory of anything from the last couple  of days, and she hadn't once mentioned Superman.

She *had* mentioned having sex with him... It was obvious that they'd  made love. *He'd* made love for the first time in his life - and with  the woman he loved - and he couldn't remember a thing! That was  bitterly ironic. He'd waited all his life, until the age of  twenty-eight, to have sex, because he was waiting for a woman he  could love, a woman he could share everything with, including his  secret.

And now that he'd finally made love with the woman he loved, he  couldn't remember  a thing!

Had it been good? Had he enjoyed it? Had *she* enjoyed it? Had he  been able to satisfy her? Had she noticed anything... different...  about him due to his alien origins?

He shrugged miserably. He was never going to know, and he wasn't  going to get another opportunity to find out - not in the near  future, anyway. Lois had made her feelings about being married to him  abundantly clear.

And it was pretty obvious that the first thing they were going to do  when they left the hotel was see a lawyer.

He looked over at the bathroom door, resisting the temptation to peek  inside. Lois was showering. She was in there, naked. She'd been in  bed with him, naked. And he still had only his imagination to tell  him just how beautiful she would be without clothes.

That was *not* what he should be thinking about. Clark forced himself  to recite the alphabet in Sanskrit - backwards.

*******************

Lois emerged, dressed, from the bathroom, standing aside to allow  Clark to pass her. He didn't look at her as he did so, and moments  later she was alone in the bedroom.

This was a *disaster*! She needed to get home as soon as possible -  the blouse and skirt she was wearing were crumpled and the blouse  looked as if it had been ripped off her; a couple of buttons were  missing, and the hem was torn. Then, when she'd changed, she would  have to call in sick. She had to see a lawyer, and start divorce  proceedings as soon as possible.

Was temporary insanity at the time of the marriage ceremony grounds  for an annulment?

She reached into the nightstand to find the Yellow Pages; while she  was waiting for Clark, she might as well make an appointment. But the  book she pulled out was not the Metropolis issue. Instead, it had  'Las Vegas' emblazoned on the front.

It dawned on her then. They were still *in* Las Vegas!

"Clark!" she yelled.

The bathroom door opened, and her *husband* looked out, hair wet and  tousled, a towel slung around his shoulders, and with half his face  shaven. "What's wrong?"

"Do you know where we are?" she demanded.

He frowned. "A hotel room somewhere."

"Not *somewhere*," Lois retorted. "Las Vegas!"

"Oh." Comprehension dawned. "We're thousands of miles from home!"

"Yeah." They must have been so impatient to... to go to bed together  that, once the marriage license was signed, they'd gone straight to a  hotel rather than waiting to go back to Metropolis. That also meant  that they probably hadn't stirred from the hotel in two days. "Oh,  god," Lois muttered again.

"Oh, god," Clark muttered, withdrawing to the bathroom to finish  shaving. They were still in Las Vegas. That meant they had to get  back to Metropolis. And, if his guess was right, they'd flown out by  Superman Express. So no air tickets... and if he knew Lois, she'd be  looking for the return halves of their tickets right now. Okay, he  could suggest that they could have bought one-way tickets, but she  would still be suspicious.

And anyway, how were they going to get home? From what he'd seen when  he'd been gathering up his clothes, he hadn't brought anything with  him other than the clothes he stood up in. His wallet was there,  sure; but he'd looked, and there was little cash there. That led him  to another thought: had they paid for the hotel room?

His credit card. He had to have his credit card with him. Okay, he'd  be paying it off for months to come, but he could pay for the hotel  room, and two one-way tickets to Metropolis.

Unless... unless he came clean and offered to fly Lois back himself?

Where had that thought come from? he asked himself, staring into the  mirror in amazement.

<She's your wife. She deserves to know>

She was only his wife due to some *appalling* mistake, Clark reminded  himself. Theirs was a marriage which was going to cease to exist at  the earliest possible opportunity, if he knew Lois.

And he didn't even have any memory of making love to her.

Clark groaned again.

********************

With nothing to do but wait for Clark, Lois clicked the TV on again  and began to flick through the various channels on offer. She  discovered that the hotel's cable package included LNN, and quickly  found that channel, eager to see what had been happening in the past  couple of days. Selecting the text option on the remote control, she  scrolled down the menu of news stories.

Suddenly, one item caught her eye.

METROPOLITANS RECOVER FROM THE 'LOVE BUG'

Love bug?

She quickly selected that page and scanned the screen. It seemed that  Miranda, a well-known chemist and perfumier, had devised a perfume  which contained a pheromone which made people react in unusual ways -  usually by seeming to fall in love with the first person they saw.  Lex Luthor had exposed her, apparently, and she was now under arrest.  But all over the city, people were gradually coming out of a  pheromone-induced trance, discovering that they'd done some totally  crazy things.

Like barricading themselves in a closet and having mad, passionate  sex. Like writing love poetry to the woman of their dreams. Like  getting into passionate clinches in broad daylight.

Like... running off and getting married.

She and Clark had been under the influence of the pheromone when  they'd gone to Vegas and gotten married.

Lois heaved a sigh of relief. At last, a rational explanation for  what had happened! And if this pheromone's effect was known and  understood, maybe there was a chance that they could get an annulment  after all?

The bathroom door opened suddenly, and Lois swung around to face  Clark, intending to tell him the good news. But he was advancing  toward her with a strange expression on his face... a look which told  her that he was certainly not interested in listening to anything she  had to say right at that moment. Clark had something else on his mind.

He stopped in front of her, watching her intently. Then he took a  deep breath and began to speak, his voice sounding strained. "Lois, I  know you don't want to be married to me, and I know that the first  thing we're gonna do when we get back to Metropolis is set about  getting a divorce. But I have to tell you, I can't just say  nothing... I have wanted to make love to you since the day I met you,  Lois. I've thought about it, dreamed about it." His face was taut,  and his eyes bored into hers as he continued his passionate  declaration. "And now, it's finally happened, and I don't remember a  darned thing about it! And... just once, before all this ends, I want  to do this..."

Lois's heart almost stopped as Clark came closer and bent toward her.  What did he intend? Did he mean that he was going to take her to bed?  - make love to her again? She didn't want him to do that, surely?

Why wasn't she pushing him away? Running? Screaming?

She was rooted to the spot, watching him move closer, unable to voice  a protest.

Clark saw Lois's half-fearful, half-fascinated expression, and  murmured, "Just a kiss, Lois. I just want to kiss you once, so that I  can remember it. That's all..."

She was gazing up at him, her lips slightly parted, her eyes wide.  Those eyes... dark pools so deep, so fascinating, he could drown in  them. He could hear her heart beating; it was beating faster than  normal, and a pulse was racing in her throat. Slowly, so slowly, he  lowered his head to hers, giving her plenty of time to object and  move away.

She didn't. Instead, she swayed toward him.

He raised his hands and cupped her face in his palms, tilting her  mouth to him. Then he brushed his lips over hers, lightly and  delicately at first, and then again, applying a little more pressure.

She responded. Almost unable to believe it, Clark caught his breath,  then kissed her again. Her lips parted beneath his, and he slipped  his tongue into her mouth, tasting her, deepening the kiss.

Lois moaned deep in her throat and wrapped her arms around Clark's  neck, pulling him closer. His kiss was driving her insane, sending  her senses reeling. How was it she'd never known Clark Kent could  kiss like this? Okay, she'd always known he was attractive, though  she'd refused to admit it, even to herself. But this was *more*. Far  more. How come she'd never known?

<That doesn't matter. What's important is that you know now> her  inner voice told her as it urged her to make the most of this moment,  to savor the intense passion Clark seemed able to incite in her. Heat  was spiraling inside her, tendrils uncurling themselves in her  stomach and spreading through the rest of her. What was she thinking  of, wanting to let him go?

His arms enfolded her, caressing her back, molding her against him.  There wasn't a part of her body which wasn't on fire for him,  yearning for him. It was as if...

...as if her body was recognizing its mate.

Her breath catching, fear striking at her, Lois tore herself away  from Clark and stood, breathing heavily, trying to come to terms with  what she'd just discovered.

She wasn't just attracted to Clark.

He was her soul-mate, the one man who was meant for her.

And her body knew that. Whatever about her own feelings, her body  already knew this man intimately, and wanted to be with him again.  She was still on fire for him.

And she was terrified by the realization.

Clark was watching her, uncertainty as well as dazed passion in his  face, and, unable to bear his scrutiny any longer, she turned away.  She needed time to think, to come to terms with what her heart and  her body were telling her.

She *wanted* to fling herself back into his arms, tell him to forget  all about getting a divorce, and just finish what he'd started.

She *wanted* him to tell her that he loved her.

She *wanted*... to tell him that... she loved... him.

And that terrified her.

Clark? She was in love with Clark Kent?

Maybe it was the pheromone still, she told herself. Maybe it hadn't  totally left her system. Maybe Clark kissing her had just awoken the  last remnants of its potency, and so none of this meant anything.  Maybe, if he kissed her again in a day or two, she would feel  absolutely nothing.

And maybe she was forgetting the times they'd kissed before. On the  plane, for example, before Trask had thrown her out. He'd packed  quite a punch then! And only a week or so ago, when he'd quit the  Planet - he'd brushed a tender kiss across her lips as he'd said  goodbye. And that had had more of an effect on her than she'd allowed  herself to recognise.

Maybe it wasn't the pheromone.

Her foot brushed against something, and she noticed the bedspread  lying in a heap on the floor, where they'd no doubt thrown it some  time earlier. Grateful for the distraction, which meant that she  *didn't* have to turn and face Clark just yet, she bent and grabbed  for it, intending to throw it back on the bed.

But, as she lifted it, she caught sight of some brightly-colored  fabric underneath. Blue. Bright blue. And red. A very familiar shade  of red.

Spandex.

Red spandex.

With a stylized 'S' on it.

Stunned, Lois dropped the bedspread and bent to pick up Superman's suit.

*********************

Clark stared, unable to move, his gaze fixed on the sight of Lois  holding his Suit. He had no idea how he was going to get out of this  one. What explanation could he give for Superman's suit being in  their hotel room, in Las Vegas?

None. Absolutely none, except for the truth.

But, in the present circumstances, how could he tell her? What would  her reaction be? Would she be mad? Or delighted? Or... something else  again?

It was hard enough for him to work out what she was thinking in  response to their kiss. Okay, she'd kissed him back pretty  enthusiastically... well, *very* enthusiastically. But she'd broken  off the kiss, and had avoided his gaze afterward. So what did that  mean? Embarrassment? Second thoughts? Sheer horror that she'd allowed  it to happen in the first place, with *him*?

And... and she was still holding his suit, and staring at it, and now  she was looking up at him and there was a *huge* question in her  face, and she was about to say something, and...

...and he needed to come up with an explanation *now*!

His brain frantically tried to send signals to his mouth.

He opened his mouth hopefully.

"Uhh... Lois... I have *no* idea how that got there," he began,  staring at her helplessly.

Clark had no idea just how much he resembled a landed fish, Lois  thought. Just like a guilty schoolboy who'd been found out in some  misdemeanor.

A... guilty...

Clark...

And Superman's suit...

<Oh my God...>

And...

Her mind suddenly flashed back to fifteen minutes earlier, when Clark  had stuck his head around the bathroom door in answer to her shocked  yell on discovering that they were still in Las Vegas. He hadn't been  wearing his glasses. And, although it had completely failed to  register at the time, there was something very strange about that  visual image of Clark without glasses...

Clark was still giving her that deer in the headlights look, his  mouth half-open. She let the Spandex fall to the floor and, before he  could react, she marched right up to him and grabbed his glasses,  pulling them off his face. He tried to grasp her hand as she drew his  glasses away, but then let his hand fall back to his side.

Lois stared up at him, her eyes widening as she put all the pieces together.

Clark's continual disappearances.

His lousy excuses.

How it was that he always seemed to get Superman exclusives no-one  else could get.

How he knew things that Superman knew.

And... his amazing resemblance to the superhero.

"You're him!" she accused.

Suddenly, Clark smiled. It was the weirdest thing... Now that his  secret was out in the open, for some reason, he felt perfectly calm,  even amused. He didn't feel at all like he'd ever anticipated that he  might in this situation. He wasn't scared or anxious, for one thing.  There had been a time when he'd wondered if Lois might reveal his  secret, if she found out; now, for some reason, he felt confident  that she wouldn't. And, while he still thought that there was a  strong possibility that she was going to be mad, that didn't give him  cause for concern. He could handle it if she was.

"Actually, he's me," he pointed out mildly.

"Huh?"

"He's me. I'm Clark," he explained, jabbing his chest with a finger.

"Yeah, but you're Superman, aren't you?" Lois objected.

"Some of the time," he conceded. He could see that he was confusing  her by his reaction, and he loved it.

"And the rest of the time?"

"Then, I'm Clark Kent. Farmboy. From Kansas. But originally from  Krypton. Adopted son of Jonathan and Martha Kent. And..." He paused  deliberately, smiling wickedly. "And husband of Lois Lane."

She paled, and he flinched. All amusement gone, he inhaled deeply, a  ragged breath, and said jerkily, "Lois, it's okay. I know you hate  the idea of... of being married to me. And I promise you that we'll  get it sorted out as quickly as possible. I'm sure we can get a good  lawyer, and the divorce won't take any time at all..."

But she wasn't listening to him. Instead, she was staring at him,  eyes wide. "I'm married to Superman!" she exclaimed, her tone one of  sheer amazement.

Clark's heart sank. Superman. That was all that mattered to her. She  knew he was Superman, and now suddenly the idea of being married to  him wasn't so dreadful after all. Was she now going to say that she  didn't want a divorce?

He moved toward her, picking up his suit and tugging his cape  abruptly from her grasp. Ignoring Lois, he folded it and looked  around for something to put it in for the journey back to Metropolis,  but he couldn't see anything suitable. So, instead, he spun into it,  then spun into his normal clothes on top of the suit.

Lois stared at her partner, feeling dizzy. "Wha... *How* did you do that?!"

He gave her a cool, almost dismissive look. "I'm Superman, Lois. Of  course I'm fast."

He was angry with her, she realized. Why...? Then it became obvious.  His manner had altered the moment she'd said that she was married to  Superman. Of *course* he'd interpreted that the wrong way.

She could apologize, but she knew her partner. There were better ways  to deal with Clark.

Raising an eyebrow at him, she said provocatively, "Thought you told  me you were Clark Kent - most of the time, that is."

He looked surprised. "I am. I didn't think you'd worked that one out,  though." His tone was still distant; Clark was hurt, not angry.

She took a step toward him and placed her hand on his arm, hoping  that he wouldn't reject her. His muscles tensed under her palm.  "Clark, I know what you're thinking," she told him. "That was a  stupid thing to say, and I'm sorry. Can you just accept that I'm  still trying to take all this in - about Superman being you, I mean?"

He stared at her for what seemed like a very long time. Then he  nodded, a tiny muscle twitching in his jaw. "Okay. I guess it is a  lot to come to terms with," he acknowledged, still sounding reserved.

"Yeah. And... if you can stand it, sometime, I have a whole lot of  questions for you," she told him shakily. It was just beginning to  hit her: the realization that she'd worked beside Superman for almost  six months without ever figuring out just who he was, just where he  went when he disappeared.

And she called herself an investigative reporter?

"Some time," Clark agreed. "Look, uh, I think we'd better get back to  Metropolis, don't you?"

She nodded. "I guess so. Perry's going to be livid!"

Clark looked awkwardly down at the floor. "I'm guessing I probably  flew us both here, and if that's okay with you I can fly us back  again." He had no idea where he stood with Lois right now. She seemed  to have switched to a different tack, more businesslike, though he'd  have to be very careful with what he said to her. So far there'd been  no mention of her keeping his secret *secret*, although he was still  inclined to believe that he could trust her.

And they still had to work out what they were going to do about their marriage.

She was nodding. "If you don't mind, Clark, that'd be great. Umm...  do you think we could get out of here? I don't like Vegas hotels at  the best of times, and this one's not exactly... well, let's say it's  not the kind of place I'd ever imagined spending my honeymoon!"

Honeymoon? Clark's head snapped up and he stared at Lois. What did  she mean by that? Was she simply trying to calm them both down, by  joking about what had happened? Or...

...or maybe he was just reading too much into this.

Maybe he should take her remark in the spirit in which it had  probably been meant. So he grinned at her and raised one eyebrow.  "All I can tell you, Lois, is that I had to have been out of my mind.  I mean, of all the places I could take my wife on honeymoon - the  Caribbean, Europe, Hawaii, the Maldives - and I take you to a tacky  Vegas hotel-room?!"

"Oh!" She clapped her hand to her mouth and stared at him, wide-eyed.  "I didn't tell you!"

"What?"

"What happened to us!"

Clark listened incredulously as she explained about the pheromone.  That did seem to explain everything, though he was at a loss to  understand just how he'd been affected. After all, he wasn't aware of  any other drug or compound which had ever had any effect on him.

Then another thought occurred to him. "Lois, if this is really what  caused it, we might be able to argue for an annulment after all! I  mean, we don't even *know* that the marriage was... uh, consummated,  and we were both definitely *not* ourselves when we signed the  license - um, Lois... Lois! What are you doing?!"

Lois had suddenly just flung herself at him! She was tearing at his  shirt, ripping it open, and at the same time was pressing kisses all  over the lower part of his face, wherever she could reach. He gripped  her by the upper arms, holding her a little way from him.

"What's going on? Lois?!"

She grinned impishly at him. "I just thought that it might be a good  idea if this marriage was *definitely* consummated, Clark."

"Huh?" He stared at her, completely confused. Not that he was  *unwilling*, precisely, but... *why*?

"Well, maybe we don't want to be too hasty about getting this  annulled, that's all I'm saying," she told him. Now she was looking  embarrassed, though.

"But... Lois, not long ago you couldn't wait to see a lawyer so you  could file divorce proceedings!"

"I know," she admitted. "But that was before - "

"Before you found out I was Superman," he finished flatly.

She stared at him, appalled. "No! Before you *kissed* me!"

His jaw dropped. Then, before he could react, Lois was reaching up to  him and kissing him again. Clark's senses swam and he released his  grip on her, instead taking her face between his palms and returning  her kiss with all the passion he felt for her.

Breathless, Lois pulled away a few moments later. That first kiss had  *definitely* been no fluke. "Clark... was that as good for you as it  was for me?" she ventured tentatively.

He nodded, seeming momentarily speechless. Then he reached for her  and pulled her into a warm hug. "Lois, I wasn't kidding when I said  I'd wanted to make love to you since the day we met. I've also been  *in love* with you since then. I... well, if there's any chance that  you could ever feel the same way about me...?"

Lois wrapped her arms around him, enjoying the feel of his hard,  strong body against hers. "Clark, I don't know how I feel about you.  All I know is, when you hold me like this, and when you kiss me, I  feel like I... *belong*. And... I've never felt like that before."

He gazed down at her. "Funny you should say that, Lois." His voice  sounded choked. "All my life, I've known I'm different. And I never  felt I belonged anywhere until the day I met you."

Different... because he was alien, because he was able to do all  those wonderful things, and because he'd had to hide it from  everyone. And suddenly she remembered Clark talking about being  'different', but in another context. Not Clark, but Superman, and  he'd been talking to one of the 'smart kids'. Clearly being  'different' was something which troubled him a lot.

"Yes, you are different, Clark," she told him thoughtfully. "You're  different from any other man I've ever known. You care about what  happens to other people - and especially me. You'd rather be hurt  yourself than have something bad happen to someone you care about.  You tell me the truth, even when it hurts to hear it, because you  know I need to hear it. And you make me want to be what I want to be,  instead of having to live up to someone else's expectations of me.  That's how you're different, Clark, and I love that you're different!"

Clark's breath caught again at Lois's words, and a lump formed in his  throat. He lowered his head and gently brushed his lips across hers,  before whispering, "Thank you."

She kissed him back lingeringly, then pulled away. "Let's get out of  here - I don't really want to talk about us in this place. Maybe you  could take us somewhere nice instead..." Winking at him, she reached  down and grabbed his hand, then raised it up and looked at it  curiously, and then at her own left hand.

"Is there a problem, Lois?" Clark asked, puzzled.

"We both took off our rings."

"Oh." Clark lowered his glasses and scanned the room. He found what  he was looking for on the nightstands: one gold ring lying on each,  his exactly where he'd left it before taking a shower, and Lois's  diamond ring next to her simple band. Yet more damage to his credit  card, he thought wryly, considering the temporary nature of the  relationship they symbolized. Not that he minded the money; it was  just... oh, he so badly wanted this to be real, and it wasn't, and  the rings were a mocking reminder of that fact.

Lois followed his pointing finger and quickly grabbed all three  rings. Returning to his side, she reached for Clark's hand again and  amazed him by sliding the largest ring onto his finger, and then  handed him the smaller ones, holding out her own left hand.

"Lois...?" He stared at her, bemused.

"We *are* married," she reminded him.

"But... do you mean... I mean, why?" he stammered inarticulately,  completely confused.

She waited, and after a few moments he slid her rings onto her  finger, then, on impulse, raised her hand to his lips and pressed a  kiss just below her knuckles.

"Clark, you love me," Lois pointed out. He nodded. "And... I think I  might love you too. At least, I know I feel something for you that  I've never felt with any other man before, and I think it must be  love, and... and I know I'm scared, but I also know that I can trust  you, absolutely and always. And... and that's why I don't want to  rush into anything."

"Lois, I wouldn't rush you..." he began, overwhelmed by her  confession, but she cut him off.

"I don't want to rush into a divorce - or annulment, either," she  told him, to his astonishment. "Clark, what if we find out that being  married to each other is what we want? What if that pheromone  compound actually just had the effect of lowering our inhibitions and  making us see what we really wanted?"

It was what *he* wanted, but Lois...? "Come on, Lois, I mean, we  haven't even dated! You can't possibly know whether you want to be  married to me, so -"

"So let's date for a while," she suggested. "And get to know each  other better. And make sure that the next time we make love we're  both going to remember it. And if it all works out, we stay married.  If not..." She grimaced. "Well, we can deal with it. But maybe we'll  find we won't have to because we *want* to stay married to each  other."

"Dating my *wife* sounds like kind of a weird concept," Clark said  slowly, with an amused smile. "But if that's what you want, it's okay  with me. Very okay!"

On impulse, he seized Lois's hand and gently tugged her wedding ring  off again. She tried to grab for it, but he fended her off as he  examined the inside of the band. Then, having removed his glasses, he  stared intently at the ring for several moments before holding it out  to Lois so she could see.

"CK loves LL now and for ever," she read aloud. "And the date - two days ago?"

"It's the date on our marriage certificate," he explained. "I was  going to put today's date, but then I remembered what you said about  the pheromone maybe making us do what we really wanted all along.  That means we were in love the day we signed that certificate."

She allowed him to replace her ring, then grabbed his and held it out  to him. "The same, Clark. Well... LL loves CK," she instructed,  blushing.

"You're sure?" The look he gave her was full of uncertainty.

"Very sure. You see," she continued, "you just did something for me  that no other man I've known has ever done. You've let me decide what  happens next. You're willing to wait until I'm ready to take this  relationship forward. That tells me that you really do love me - and  now I know I love you too. I guess I have for a while, because I was  devastated when you left during the heatwave. I missed you more than  I missed Superman!"

"Wow," Clark breathed, amazed. He quickly engraved his own ring and  let her replace it on his finger, then raised an eyebrow at her.  "Well, Mrs Kent, what next?"

"First thing, *never* call me Mrs Kent!" Lois retorted, giving him a  mock-glare. "My name is and always will be Lois Lane! Second, I think  you should fly us back home now. Then we can go to the Planet and  tell Perry that he has to give us some time off. Then we - "

"Time off?" Clark echoed.

"Yeah, like people normally get when they get married," Lois answered  matter-of-factly. Then she giggled. "I can't wait to see Perry's face  when we tell him we eloped!"

"Uh... you know he'll think it's the pheromone, Lois," Clark objected  cautiously.

"Not when I kiss you like this in front of the entire newsroom!" Lois  retorted, and proceeded to demonstrate.

Several minutes later, a weakened and dizzy Clark had to agree that  perhaps Lois was right. It also occurred to him to consider that  being married to Lois Lane was going to be quite an experience, one  in which most of the time he'd have difficulty knowing whether he was  coming or going. She was... just so *Lois*!

"Oh boy," he muttered, and took her arm to steer her out of the room.

- fin -

Table of Contents

PML Oh Boy...!

by Tank Wilson <tankw1@aol.com> and Wendy Richards <wendy@kingsmeadowcr.freeserve.co.uk>