Picture Perfect Wedding...What?!?

by Laura S <lyshaheen@aol.com>

Rated: G

Submitted: March 2007

"Dun dun dunnnnn..." Clark gave himself his own intro music as he casually leaped the back of the sofa and parked himself next to his wife. He held a thick, dusty book in one hand and two glasses of wine balancing precariously in the other.

"Clark, what is this about?" Lois tried to act stern, but the excited, boyish expression on her husband's fully grown thirty-three-year-old face made her giggle.

"You, Lois Lane, are in for a treat." Clark set the wine on the coffee table and magnanimously held out the book.

They sat like that for a moment, Lois staring at the leather bound book. "I'm not getting excited," she said flatly, peeking out under her lashes at her husband.

"Mom was looking through some old photographs the other day and she found this book," Clark explained. "Actually, when she called me she was laughing so hard I could barely understand her. Something about her never have putting it together all these years... Anyway, she had me fly up right then and get this book."

"Really?" Martha was never usually quite that adamant that she demanded super transport. "Must be important."

Clark grimaced. "Or it could be more pictures of me in the tub. I don't think she showed you all five thousand the last time you were there."

Lois laughed and leaned in closer to Clark, resting her head on his shoulder. "Yes, but you were just so cute."

Clark groaned with embarrassment. "I'm never leaving her alone with you again."

Lois took the time to kiss him, getting only slightly distracted.

"But back to this, assuming she didn't make you travel at super speed for more bathtub pictures, what do you think we're supposed to be looking for?"

Clark shook his head and set the book on their laps. He flipped open the first few pages. Nothing too interesting. Lois oohed and ahhed over a mercifully still clothed Clark, but Clark shook his head. This couldn't have been what all the fuss was about. After looking through the first couple pages, the photos of a wedding were grouped together.

Clark glanced at the pictures and then bit back a laugh. "Oh Lois, you have to hear about this wedding. This flower girl completely..." Clark trailed off as he spotted a picture on page 12.

There he was, looking mighty uncomfortable in his mini tuxedo and gazing adoringly at the flower girl. She was dark haired, adorable in a little lavender dress and Clark recognized her in an instant.

He nearly jumped off the couch as Lois stared down at the picture in wonder.

"I had completely forgotten..."

"It was you!"

"I remember that day so well..."

"It was YOU!"

"Oh my God."

+++++++++++++++++++

It was Julie Lane's wedding day and she did not have time to deal with her terror of a cousin. Who was currently masquerading as an innocent flower girl. Innocent her foot. She had only asked Ellen Lane for her daughter to be her flower girl because she had no younger cousins besides Lois and her sister. Why couldn't the precious Lucy have been her flower girl? Julie glanced longingly at the two-year-old idly sitting in her stroller. She would have been better.

Amidst the frantic members of the wedding party and the fraternizing guests, Julie rolled her eyes. Couldn't they have used one of Jeremy's cousins? Well, in actuality, they had. Little Clark Kent was their ring bearer and at the moment he was quietly standing in his mini tuxedo, staring curiously at Lois Lane. For a split second, the rush and irritabilities of the day gave way as she saw the little boy give his mother a kiss on the cheek. Six year old Clark was a cutie. When the little boy looked around and saw Julie looking at him, he gave her a shy smile and waved. Julie waved back and grinned. Her family might be dysfunctional and hyperactive, but Jeremy had come from a long line of farmers. They were all so ridiculously normal it was almost atypical.

"Julie! Time for pictures!" Her mother's screeching voice trilled loudly and Julie sighed.

Why oh why didn't Jeremy and I elope?

+++++++++++++++++++

Clark Kent was in awe of his surroundings.

There was a princess, an actual princess! At least that's all that he could fathom the beautiful woman in the white dress was. When he had seen her looking at him, it was all he could do not to duck away and hide. A princess waved at him!

As the princess was called away, indisputably to go kiss a frog or something else equally important, Clark glanced around.

His parents were off talking to some people he didn't know. Actually, he didn't know anyone. He only came up to most people's thighs. With a sigh, Clark pulled irritably on his coat. It was so hot in here! And there were no kids to play with.

Except...

Clark's gaze sought out the little girl he had seen earlier. Maybe she would like to play trucks with him. He pulled out the red and blue trucks he had managed to sneak in his pocket and happily ran it up the side of the door.

"Brrrrrrrrummmmmmm... Vrrrrroooommmm..." he mumbled and made sound effects contentedly, easily entertained by his vivid cartoon thoughts.

"What is that?" Lois Lane stood with her hands on her hips and stared him down.

Clark turned, startled at the sharp voice.

"It's my truck. Want to play with me? You can be blue and I'll be red." Clark extended the hand with the blue truck as a peace offering.

"No, I do not want to play with you! This is a wedding!"

Clark frowned, digesting this.

"You aren't supposed to play at weddings?"

With an impatient tap of her foot, Lois sighed at his obvious density.

"No, silly! When the music comes on, I walk down the aisle and throw flowers and people take pictures."

This all seemed like a rather strange custom to Clark, as he didn't know why there were so many people here to watch this girl throw flowers, but he nodded in understanding.

"Then why is there a princess here?"

He finally must have said something right because the girl gave him a brilliant smile and spun in a circle. The lavender dress she was wearing spun with her and she ended her twirl with a sort-of curtsy. "I'm here to show off my dress, of course!"

"No, not you. Her!" Clark pointed across the hall to the real princess, exasperated with this imposter.

"Her?! Julie isn't a princess!"

"Her name's Julie? Princess Julie?" Clark's gaze latched onto the bride and held.

"No!" Lois stamped her foot. "Just Julie! I'm a princess. I have the princess dress and everything." Her lower lip jutted out as she was continually, and unbelievably, upstaged by her cousin.

Clark finally looked at Lois and shamefully remembered his manners.

"You look very pretty too..." Clark broke off. "What's your name?"

"Lois."

"I'm Clark."

The two stared at each other for a moment, content with this knowledge. A few minutes later, an elderly lady came by and pinched them both on the cheek. Clark manfully took it and merely grimaced, but Lois jerked backward. Before they could escape, however, their arms had been taken by the wiry old lady and they were suddenly thrown into the melee of the wedding party--pictures being snapped with all the rapidness of machine gun fire.

There were endless combinations of pictures: all the girls, all the boys, the women with the groom, the men with the groom, the groom's family, the bride's family. They finally called for the ring bearer and the flower girl to pose together and Lois and Clark were thrown unceremoniously next to each other.

"Smile!" The cameraman snapped a few pictures, making Lois lean her chin on Clark's small shoulder. Lois rolled her eyes and whispered a joke in his ear as the pictures snapped.

Clark fought to contain his laughter, but soon he was doubled over, an uncontrollable grin on his face. Then, when pictures finally finished, the look of admiration he had reserved for Julie Lane had firmly and fully transferred to her much smaller relation.

After the pictures had finally finished, Martha and Jonathon came to retrieve their wayward son. He was haphazardly trailing behind the flower girl, tripping over his own feet to keep up with her longer strides.

"Who's your friend, son?" Jonathon squatted down to his son's level and ruffled his hair.

Clark squirmed out from under his father's grasp and stood very formally.

"This is Lois," he said gravely. He looked at his parents, obviously expecting them to be unduly shocked and honored. When they merely nodded and smiled, Clark frowned. "Lois," he tried again.

His mother nodded and said hello.

Fully beyond exasperation, Clark reached out and tugged his mother away.

"Mommy, that's Lois," he said softly. "Princess Lois. We're here to take pictures of her throwing flowers."

Martha bit down on her bottom lip as Clark stared at her seriously. "Is that what she said this was about, Clark?"

Clark nodded affirmatively and Martha suddenly had some trouble changing the laugh to a cough. Clark looked at her, concern evident in his little brown eyes.

"You okay, Mommy?"

"I'm fine, sweetie, but its almost time for the wedding to start. Will you be a big boy and take Lois back there?" Martha pointed to the end of the garden where the wedding party was gathering. "I'll watch you from over here."

Clark nodded happily and extracted Lois from a heavy conversation about the merits of pink vs. purple dresses with his father. Lois nodded and grabbed his arm.

Clark glanced up at her in surprise. "What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What What!?" Lois stamped her foot.

"Why did you grab my arm?" Clark finally clarified. "Do you have to say something?"

Lois rolled her eyes at her naîve companion. "Look around, Clark! What is everyone doing?"

Clark glanced around. Most everyone was sitting in the white wicker chairs. There were some frazzled looking people beckoning them over, but nothing seemed out of place. "Pointing?" he finally ventured, following her gaze to the back of the garden.

"No! They're holding arms! It's what you do!" Lois was speaking increasingly fast with each new sentence.

"Oh." Clark thought about this for a moment and he finally noticed the couples holding arms, just like him and Lois. Clark mildly let Lois lead the way and they traipsed toward the food.

"Hey, Lois, aren't we supposed to be over there?" He gestured vaguely to the spot where the adults had been waving them over, but a large group of legs had obstructed them from view as they passed in a herd.

They stood by the food for a minute, still holding arms. Clark looked down at their arms in the sudden lull of conversation.

"Why do we do this again?" His hand was itchy. He wanted to scratch it, but Lois had his arm in a death grip.

Lois shrugged and held on. They were surveying the food choices when suddenly two terrifyingly firm arms clamped down on her shoulders. Lois shrieked and Clark immediately whirled around until a similar pair caught him in an iron clench.

"You two are in big trouble! You're about to go on!"

It was the frightening photo lady. And a henchman. Lois and Clark were dragged away from the food and shoved next to each other in front of the bride, who was tearfully clutching at her bouquet.

"Lois, there you are! And Clark!"

Now that they were actually there, Clark was gripped in a fit of nerves.

"Wait! Wait! Lois, I don't know what to do."

Lois stared at him. "Are you crazy? We practiced earlier."

The path they were supposed to travel suddenly seemed a million miles long. People were craning their necks to look back, and Clark couldn't shake the nervous feeling.

"I don't remember! Lois!" Clark hissed and pulled at her arm. "What do I do?"

"You do the same thing as the guys do and I do the same thing as the girls do! I don't know...watch someone and copy."

The bridesmaids and groomsmen had already proceeded down the aisle. It was their turn. Lois tilted her chin in the air and confidently marched on the scene, a less sure Clark trailing a few feet behind her. He looked around to find someone to copy, as Lois had suggested. He finally decided to focus on that man. He looked nice. Clark liked his hair. He'd copy him. Clark finally, after what seemed like a very long eternity, reached the front of the altar. He stood facing Lois, slightly in front of the other, much taller groomsmen and watched as the Princess Julie traveled down the aisle.

Clark snuck an anxious glance at the man he was copying and mirrored his pose. He straightened his back and clasped his hands tightly behind him. There. That was easy. He looked straight at Lois and smiled at his new friend, and Lois smiled back.

Julie had reached the altar and there was a priest going on about something. Everyone looked to be very serious. The priest was reciting something, and every so often Julie or the man would respond with an answer.

The man with the nice hair had shifted inward a little and Clark mimicked him. He had noticed that every single person up at the altar had a girl they were matched with. How convenient. Everyone got a friend. Clark sized up the crowd and determined that his friend was Lois. A big smile filtered across his face and he nearly forgot to keep a diligent watch on his subject.

"You may kiss the bride."

The man with the nice hair leaned toward Julie.

The move was so sudden, Clark started a little and hastened to catch up. Someone should have warned him this job required so much careful watching. As Julie and the man's lips met, Clark turned to his friend and did exactly as she had told him too.

He copied the man.

And kissed Lois quickly. He missed her lips a little, but that was okay. He figured he had imitated well enough. They remained like that for a moment, until Lois' small hands fitted on his chest and gave him a mighty push backward that sent him sprawled on the grass.

A sudden roar of laughter confused him nearly as much as his sudden new position.

What? What did he do? Everyone was laughing, except Lois who was quivering in indignant rage. Clark idly rubbed the back of his head and swiveled his head back and forth, still intensely confused.

In the audience, tears of laughter rolled down Martha Kent's cheeks as she buried her head in her husband's shaking shoulder. Life with her little boy had definitely never been dull.

And she didn't know the half of what was to come!

++++++++++++++

The tears of laughter had finally subsided somewhat and Lois clutched Clark's shoulder in support.

"Oh Clark, that was so suave of you."

He choked on some more laughter. "Well, I wouldn't have done it if you hadn't told me to copy the groom!"

"I just said a guy. I didn't mean HIM!"

They faced each other on the couch and Clark set the photo album aside.

"D'you know I idolized you for nearly two months after that?" he said, grinning softly.

Lois raised an eyebrow. "Only two months?"

"Hey, hey, two months in six-year-old boy time is like a marriage commitment."

Lois smiled and gave him a quick kiss on his nose.

"You were my first kiss then. And I couldn't even appreciate it because I was so shocked and upset."

"I think I missed your mouth."

"Nah, you got close enough. Enough for me to want to send you flying."

Clark pulled his wife on his lap, sighing in contentment. "I still can't believe it was you," he said softly, resting his forehead against hers.

"How many girls can say they married their first crush?"

"Probably not ma--Crush?" A hopeful glimmer caught his eye. "Hey, you liked me too?"

Lois rolled her eyes, an act reminiscent of six-year-old Lois. "Well, I was only seven. But I liked you well enough to let you trail after me. Plus I thought you were cute. In the strictest since of the way. Like a puppy."

"Thanks, Lois. That's what every man wants his wife to compare him too. I thought you were a princess and you thought I was a puppy."

They laughed and Lois leaned down, her lips a hairs breadth from his own.

"You know, Farmboy..." she breathed. "Things haven't changed much since then."

And then she kissed him to silence the indignant response she knew was coming.

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