Perfectly Not Normal

By Molly <MPSL27@aol.com>

Rated G

Submitted October 1998

Summary: Lois and Clark's eldest daughter, Kaylie, discovers that growing up isn't all that easy. Especially when you have siblings and another one on the way. And even more so, when you find out you're the daughter of Superman.

(Author's Note: I wrote all but the very end of this fanfic in September 1997, and forgot about it. When I came across it in April 1998, I decided I might as well finish it, so here it is. It isn't a tear-jerker, or a great piece of literature, but I hope you enjoy it anyway:) Lois, Clark, and Superman belong to Warner Bros. and DC Comics, etc. Send me comments! Thanks!)

***

When you're the daughter of Clark Kent and Lois Lane, you have to get used to not being normal. Believe me, I know. My parents are reporters. Famous ones. So, not only do they have to work while I'm in school, but they're still working when school is over and a bus takes me to the Daily Planet Daycare, which I've been going to since I was three. That's the other thing. Why do I have to go to Daycare, anyway? I'm thirteen. But it's not like normal Daycare.

It's for anyone who is a kid of a Daily Planet employee, and who is under the age of fourteen. And they've got a neat program for kids and teens, where they can do homework or watch videos or even play computer games after school. So I don't mind. Much.

But this year, I was starting eighth grade, and I wanted things to be different. So I ventured into the topic lightly one Monday evening after dinner.

"Mom? Dad? Can I talk to you for a minute?"

They looked surprised. "Sure," said Dad. "Jenna, will you finish washing the dishes, please?"

My nine-year-old sister groaned. "Sure, Dad."

Dad smiled. "Thanks, Pumpkin."

"Whatever!" Jenna said, returning the smile. "Doesn't Michael have to help?"

"I'll help," said Michael. "But only if I don't have to get my hands wet!"

Michael's six, and very weird!

We went into the living room and sat down. "What is it you want to talk about?" Dad asked.

"It's about Daycare," I replied. "I don't want to go anymore."

"I thought you liked Daycare," my mom said.

"Well ... I do. But I'm thirteen now, and I think I'm old enough to come home after school and stay by myself."

Mom and Dad looked at each other.

"I don't know," Mom said. "You'd be all alone, Kaylie."

"I know, but it would only be for about four hours. You guys are usually home by seven, and I wouldn't be home from school until three. I could get my homework done, read ... " I was trying to sound convincing, but I doubted I was doing a good job.

"How about this?" Dad said. "You can stay home alone two days a week. After a while, if that works out, then we can talk about you staying home every day. What do you think?"

"But I only have to go to Daycare three days a week?"

"For now," said my mom.

"You guys are the *best*! Thanks!"

I hugged my mom, then my dad, and then went upstairs to my bedroom. I should mention that everything (well, almost everything) in my bedroom is blue. Blue curtains, blue bedspread, blue bookshelves. It's very boring.

Anyway, I sat on my bed and pulled out my journal and started writing in it.

Dear Journal,

My parents say I can try staying home two days a week this year! Wa-hoo! I'm finally mature! And Michael and Jenna still have to go to Daycare all the time.

Love, Kaylie M. Kent

Eight days later, school started. I go to Metro Junior High, home of the Leopards. MJH (Metro Junior High) is just like your average school. It's for kids in the sixth through eighth grades. I'm in the eighth grade, so I feel very important this year.

On the first day of school, we got our schedules. Unlike some schools, we don't get to pick which classes we take. So mine caused me to frown.

Period One -- Algebra 1

Period Two -- General Science

Period Three -- Art Appreciation

Period Four -- Lunch

Period Five -- Physical Education

Period Six -- History

Period Seven -- English

No fun classes! Oh well. At least Lisa, my best friend, and I both had lunch fourth period and physical education fifth period. That wouldn't be so bad. Or so I thought.

The first big thing that happened was our gym teacher, Mr. Pacman (that's really his name!) handed out our new P.E. uniforms. And they were ug-ly! Orange shorts and yellow shirts. Ew, ew, ew!

But that wasn't SO bad. What was bad is that Carson McElhen, who has been a total brat since the day he was born (I suspect), started teasing us girls. He was saying girls couldn't run as fast as boys and stuff like that. Lisa and I both tried to ignore him. But then Carson came up to Lisa and started teasing her about her legs. Now, I'll admit, Lisa's legs are sort of funny-shaped, but I would never say that out loud!

Carson just laughed and laughed.

"Oooh," said Lisa, after Carson ran off to torment some other kids. "I wish I was telekenetic!"

I had no idea what that was. "Why?"

"Because then I could just stare at his shoelaces and will them to come untied ... then he'd trip, get all bloody, and then I'd laugh at him!"

I grinned. "Maybe you are tel-telk-"

"Telekenetic?"

"Yeah. Maybe you are, and you just don't know it."

"Maybe," Lisa said. She stared long and hard at Carson's shoelaces. I stared with her. A few second later, Carson started to scream.

"Auuugggh!!! Help me! My shoes are on fire!"

Mr. Pacman ran over to Carson and picked him up like a baby. He ran over to the drinking fountain and stuck Carson's foot in it and turned on the water. The small flame was put out quickly, but Carson was still screaming. His shoelaces were a little singed, but otherwise he was fine.

But nobody could believe what had happened.

"Maybe he was playing with matches," Brian suggested.

"Nah, it was probably friction," nerdy Lowell said.

"I've heard of this!" Meghan cried. "It's called spontaneous combustion!"

"Of *shoelaces*!?" Courtley said, rolling her eyes.

Lisa looked at me with wide eyes. "Do you think WE could have done that?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I *mean*, we were staring at Carson's shoelaces when this happened. Maybe we made them catch on fire! You never know."

I shook my head. "Maybe Mr. Hendricks would know what REALLY happened." Mr. Hendricks is my science teacher.

But meanwhile, Mr. Pacman called the school principal, who called the fire department and the police. So instead of participating in any physical activity that day, our class got to go to the library so the firefighters could do an investigation into what happened.

Lisa and I sat in the back of the library, pretending to be reading. But we just talked, instead.

"Did you watch 'Family Val-U' last night?" Lisa asked. Family Val-U is our favorite sitcom.

"No," I said. "It was a re-run."

"Yeah."

"But it's a funny episode!" I added.

"I liked the part where Michellyn locked Bernicia out of the house."

"Yeah," I agreed. "That was funny. Bernicia got what she deserved!"

"I wonder when they're going to start showing new episodes?"

"Probably later this month. That's when the new season starts."

"Girls!" the librarian hissed. "Please hush!"

Lisa and I had to hold our hands over our mouths to keep from giggling. I mean, who says "Hush"?

"I saw a commercial last night, for a new show," Lisa whispered. "It's going to be on at 4 p.m. every weekday, starting today. It's a soap opera. I think it's called "Hanna & Company."

"I've seen commercials for that," I said, picking a piece of lint off of my cotton shorts. "It's got a cute name. But, I mean, it's a soap opera! You just know it will be like every other soap opera in the world: a bunch of people, madly in love with everybody else, having flings and babies and divorces. Who needs another show like that?"

Lisa shrugged. "I thought it looked good."

"Well, we'll see about that."

"Girls!" the librarian whispered loudly. "If you do not keep your voices down, I will have to give you both a detention!"

After that, we were quiet. And soon, we forgot about the incident with Carson, too. Almost.

That day was my first day of 'No Daycare'. I let myself in the front door with my own, personal key, and flopped down on the couch. I flipped on the TV, but there was nothing good on, so I went to the kitchen to get a snack. When I came back, my mouth full of Oreo cookies and cherry soda, I saw that it was almost 4 p.m. I flipped the channel to channel 7.

A few minutes later, a cheerful male voice came on. "Good afternoon, and welcome to the premier of ZBC's newest weekday drama, "Hanna & Company!" There was some lively music and pictures of people looking excited. The first scene came on.

A blonde woman lying in a hospital bed, her eyes closed. A tall, gorgeous man, came into the room and kissed the woman gently on the cheek, causing the woman to wake up.

"Jake!" the woman said, like she was surprised to see the guy there.

"Sorry I wasn't there to see the big event. Congratulations, by the way."

"Where were you?" the woman demanded.

"I was saving a family of six from a raging fire!" Jake said defensively.

"Oh, and *that* makes it okay for you to miss the most important day of your life? The birth of your *son*?" the woman cried.

"Oh, we have a son, huh? Far out. Where is the little nipper? Can we name him Harley? I've always loved that name."

"No, we can NOT name our baby after a motorcycle. Duh! Besides, I've already named him."

Just then, a nurse walked in, carrying a baby in a blue blanket.

"Jake," said the woman. "Meet Luke Skywalker McCormick."

With that, Jake fainted.

I giggled. I knew this was supposed to be a drama, but it was actually funny! But I doubted it would stay that way. They probably just made the first scene funny to lure in viewers. The name "Luke Skywalker" sounded familiar, but I couldn't remember where I'd heard it before.

The theme song came on. Most shows these days don't have theme songs, so I was a little surprised. It was an upbeat song, with a woman singing. I groaned. What a corny theme song! Still, I'd heard worse. I waited patiently through the commercials: one for dog food, a way-too-cheerful woman trying to sell detergent, and a commercial for Wheat-X Cereal.

I watched the rest of the "Hanna & Company" with interest. It actually wasn't a bad show. Kind of funny, with a little action, and some definite subtle romantic chemistry.

Then again, it was just a TV show. What did I care?

The afternoon dragged by. Mom called about 6:30 and said that she and Dad were on a BIG story and they'd be home around 8, but they'd bring take-out. So I decided to call Lisa.

"Hello?" Lisa answered.

"Hi, it's me."

"Hi." She sounded upset.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"No."

"Come on Lisa, tell me," I said.

"Well ... I was just thinking about Carson."

"Ewww, that piece of slime? WHY? Oh come on," I said. "You still don't think that what happened today was your fault, do you?"

Lisa sighed. "I don't know! But you know how he was teasing us?"

"Yes, how could I forget?" I moaned.

"Well, my mom says that boys tease you if they like you!"

"That's ridiculous!" I informed her. "Carson is incapable of liking girls. He's too immature and weird!"

Lisa laughed. Then, "Hey, I gotta go."

"Oh, okay."

"Bye."

Ewwww, I hoped Lisa wasn't developing some sort of weird crush on Carson McElhen, of all people!

A little while later, my mom and dad came home, with Jenna and Michael. They were carrying six wonderful cartons of Chinese take-out. Everyone sat down at the table. Then everyone looked at me.

"What?" I cried.

Mom looked at Dad.

"Mommy and Daddy have a secret," Jenna said, pouting. "I begged them all the way home to tell us what it is, but they said not until you -- " she pointed to me " -- were here."

I looked at Mom. "What secret?"

"Well," said Mom. "How would you feel about ... "

Oh no, this speech was starting to sound all too familiar!" ... getting a new brother or sister?"

I knew it! Ugh. I groaned, and covered my face with my hands. "Not again!"

Jenna was ecstatic. "Mommy, you mean it? You're really going to have a baby?"

"A baby?" Michael said, looking shocked and amazed at the same time. "Where do babies come from?"

"Storks," I informed him, and then turned to my mom. "Please tell me you're joking!"

Mom shook her head, but she was smiling. "Nope. Get used to it, there's going to be another member of the Kent family in a little over six months!"

I looked at my dad. He had this huge grin on his face. So he was happy. And Mom was happy. Jenna was happy. Michael was sort of just sitting there. Why couldn't I be happy? I slumped down in my seat.

Dear Journal,

My parents are lunatics.

Love, Kaylie M. Kent

The next day was a 'Daycare Day'. I didn't really say much during breakfast, and I could tell my parents were worried about me. Then my dad got up and said something about having to go pick up some doughnuts for someone, and then he ran out the door. He does that a lot.

I set the VCR to tape "Hanna & Company", since I probably wouldn't get home in time to watch it. Then I left for school.

After school, I took the bus to the Daily Planet and went straight to the Daycare. Melinda was on duty. "Hi, Kaylie, how's it hanging?"

"It's great," I said.

Melinda looked concerned. She looked just like my parents had that morning. I forced a smile, put my backpack in my cubby (I'm thirteen and I have a cubby box. How pathetic is that?), and went to the video center. There are four booths, complete with A TV headset, headphones, and this electronic panel that's like a menu. You can push a button a see any movie that you want.

I chose "Titanic". I've always loved that movie because it won an Oscar for Best Picture the same year I was born. Besides, it's a great movie, even if Leonardo DiCaprio is old enough to be my father. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten that "Titanic" is over three hours long. My parents arrived to pick me and my brother and sister up right at the part where Cal slips and falls when he's trying to shoot Jack and Rose.

"Kaylie, your parents are here!" Melinda said, tapping me lightly on the shoulder. Sighing, I turned off the movie and went to get my backpack from the cubby.

The ride home was strained. Or maybe it was just me. Michael kept asking where babies come from. Jenna was babbling about how cool it would be to have a little sister (Michael wanted a brother). My mom and dad were just smiling. I couldn't see their faces from the backseat where I was sitting, but I just *knew* they were smiling. It should be illegal for parents to smile when one of their kids (and of all kids, their *oldest daughter*) is miserable.

We got home, and my dad started dinner. My mom said she was going to "help" him in the kitchen (which in Lois and Clark Kent language means kissing while stirring whatever's on the stove). I went into the living room, and turned on the TV so I could watch today's "Hanna & Company". After a few seconds, I realized something was wrong. I rewound and fast-forwarded through the whole tape and discovered that this was *not* my tape! It was Michael's "Star Fighter Warriors" episodes.

"Michael!" I hollered.

Michael ran down the stairs and stopped short in front of me. "What?"

"Where's my tape?"

"What tape?"

"My video tape! The one that was in the VCR this morning."

"I took it out," Michael said simply. "So I could watch Star Fighter Warriors this morning before school."

I glared at him. "Michael! I set the VCR up to tape something today. And not only did you switch tapes but you turned the VCR on, which, in effect, turns the record timer off and my show didn't record."

Michael shrugged. "Sorry. Sheesh, take a chill pill. It's just a TV show."

"AUGHHHHHHHHH!!!" I was about to show him the colors black and blue when my parents intervened (darn). My mom told me to not be mad at Michael, he didn't do it on purpose. My dad suggested that I call some of my friends and see what the episode had been about.

"Hearing about the episode isn't the same as watching it!" I cried. I stormed into the hallway and picked up the phone. I called Lisa, but she wasn't home. Then I called Amy, who hadn't watch the show, but told me that Lianna might have taped it. I called Lianna and discovered that, not only had she taped the show, but she had taped yesterday's episode, too ... and she could make a copy for me if I paid for the tape. Grateful, I hung up and went upstairs, only to be called down for dinner a few minutes later.

Meatballs, sauce, peas, and breadsticks. Everyone dug in. My mom and dad told us about the story they were working on. Michael complained that his teacher was mean, and was worried that she might be a monster. Jenna told him he was crazy, and then announced she was going to be a ballerina, and could she please start taking lessons?

Just when I was about to tell her *she* was crazy (Jenna is the most unco-ordinated person I know), my dad got this look on his face. He excused himself from the table, and said "why don't I get some ice-cream for dessert?" and ran out the door.

I looked at my mom. She just smiled at me. I rolled my eyes. "Kaylie?" she said. "What's bothering you? If it's about your TV show, I'm sure -- "

"It's not that," I muttered.

"Why does Daddy always run off like that?" Jenna asked, looking suspiciously at my mom.

"He just does," Mom said.

"But why?"

"Because that's just what he does, that's all."

I could tell my mom was uncomfortable, so I tried to distract my sister.

"So, Jenna. You want to be a ballerina, huh?"

She brightened. "Yes! I am going to be beautiful and famous."

Michael started laughing. Jenna gave him a Look.

A few days later it was a Saturday. The temperature outside was ninety-five degrees and counting. Lisa came over after lunch and we decided to have a world championship poker competition at the picnic table in the backyard. Michael was playing in the sandbox and Jenna was swinging on the swingset. After about an hour, Lisa whined that she couldn't take it anymore.

"Take what anymore?" I wondered.

"This heat!" She glared at me. "What's the matter with you. It's like 108 degrees and you're not even sweating!"

I shrugged. I didn't know what to say. But she was right. Last year at this time, I would have felt like a fried egg. But lately I haven't been getting hot. I mean, my body gets warm but I don't sweat and I'm certainly not uncomfortable. It's weird. "I don't get hot easily," I told her.

"Lucky," she muttered. "I don't know about you, but I feel like a roasted turkey. Let's go swimming!"

"Where?" I asked.

"Courtley Miller has a pool."

"Lisa, you hate Courtley. We both hate her! Don't you remember who totally sabotaged your science project last year?!"

"So what?" said Lisa. "She has a pool. You coming?"

"No thanks," I muttered.

"Suit yourself," Lisa said, and let herself out.

My dad poked his head out the back door. "Hey, Kaylie."

"Hi," I said.

"Did you and Lisa have a fight?"

"No," I said. "She just left, that's all."

"Your mom and I are going to go shopping for baby furniture," he announced to me, Jenna, and Michael. "Who wants to come?"

"Me!" Michael and Jenna cried in unison.

"Kaylie?"

"No thanks."

"Are you sure? It'll be fun."

"*No thanks*!" I said firmly.

My dad sighed. "OK. Come on, kids."

The happy family returned a few hours later, with a spiffy new highchair, baby swing, changing table, and a playpen. They had decided that the baby would sleep in my parents' room at first. I heard them talking about taking out a loan and building another bedroom on the house.

Dear Journal,

Why is this new baby so important? It's just a baby. And why did Lisa abandon me for a stupid girl's swimming pool?

Love, Kaylie

A week after Lisa abandoned me, I found out my dad was Superman. Now, don't faint (I almost did) but it's true! The reason I found out is because Jenna was at a friend's house and Michael was at soccer practice and I was supposed to be at the library. My parents had the day off (they don't work on Saturdays or Sundays). Well, to make a long story short, I got home early from the library and looked in the window to see if anyone was home ... and I saw my mom and Superman kissing! Total shock, let me tell you. For a minute, I thought about screaming, but then they stopped kissing and Superman spun -- fast -- and the next second, my dad was standing there, glasses and all. And that's when I figured it out. I was so mad that I ran inside, slammed the door, and ran into the kitchen and glared at my parents. "You," I said, looking at my dad.

"Hi Kaylie! You're home early," Dad said. As if nothing had just happened! I mean, please!

"Yes, I am home early, and you are a liar," I said.

My dad blinked. I saw my mom go real pale. "Kaylie ... " she said.

"You're Superman!" I screamed. "How could you not even tell me? How *rude*!" I added angrily. I frowned disapprovingly at both of them, expecting both of them to get down on their knees and beg for my forgiveness.

But they didn't.

Instead they both sighed. "Kaylie ... " Dad said.

"Don't 'Kaylie' me!" I yelled, and ran up to my room. I didn't cry. I wasn't sad. I was *mad*! Boy, was I mad. And if that wasn't bad enough, I could hear them talking about me.

"Lois," Dad was saying. "I never expected her to find out like this!"

"But she did, Clark," Mom said. "She found out because we were careless."

"I guess it's for the best ... we would have had to tell her sooner or later. We were just avoiding it."

I stopped listening to their boring old conversation. I hated them. Dumb parents who have babies and lie to their thirteen- year-old daughters and make them go to Daycare and won't even install a pool and give birth to little boys who watch Star Fighter Warriors!! Dumb parents who run out to buy doughnuts but they're not actually buying doughnuts, they're saving the world from killer bees and propping up the Golden Gate Bridge!! Auuugghhhhhh!! Dumb, dumb, DUMB!

I decided to call Lisa. But she wasn't home. Her mom answered the phone and said that Lisa was over at Courtley's. Great, I thought. Lisa and Miss Perfect Courtley are best friends now. That did it! I picked up a book and started ripping the pages out. Somehow, though, I managed to turn the entire book into a pile of ashes. Then I realized that I'd just cremated Gone With The Wind, my favorite book! And at that point, I started crying.

It took me a long time to calm down, but later that night I went downstairs to watch the "Hanna & Company" episodes I had taped. I had the TV all to myself, and I watched episode after episode. At one point I heard footsteps upstairs and figured my parents probably knew I was watching TV and were about to come downstairs and yell at me. But they didn't. Maybe they figured they had done enough damage to me for one decade.

The next morning, I found myself in my own bed. I woke up because someone was knocking on my door, softly. It was Mom.

"Hi, Honey, can I come in?" she said.

"Sure," I said, frowning.

My mother proceeded to tell me an ultra-long story about how she and Dad met, how she had found out he was Superman, and how she'd dealt with it, blah blah blah. After awhile I was laughing. Get this ... my mom got Superman's powers and dressed up in pink spandex and called herself UltraWoman?? My dad actually *shrunk* because of some *shampoo*?? My mother was sent to another dimension?? Imagine if your parents told you *that*! It was obvious my parents were worse off than I was, so I decided to stop being miserable, hopped on my bike, and went over to Lisa's.

Lisa was sunbathing in the front yard. When she saw me, she jumped up and ran over to me. "Guess what!" she cried.

"What?"

"I'm an aunt!"

"What!?!" I gasped.

Lisa was laughing. "My sister, Trudy, had her baby last night. Justin Mitchell Carmody Jr., 8 pounds, 5 ounces."

"Wow, congratulations!" I squealed. "That is so cool!"

Lisa went on, "My sister Erica is taking me to see Trudy and the baby at the hospital in an hour. Wanna come?"

"Sure! Let me go ask."

I asked, and I got permission. Lisa and I told jokes and laughed all the way to the hospital. When we got there, we got to see Lisa's new nephew.

"He's so tiny," Lisa breathed, as little Justin was placed in her arms.

"Oh!" I cried. "I forgot to tell you. My mom is going to have a baby!"

"No way," said Lisa.

"Way!" I said. And you know what? For the first time, I was actually excited that I was getting a new brother or sister. Maybe my parents are a little nuts, but superheroes or not, they're still my parents and I love them. And maybe Jenna is a little unco-ordinated and bossy, maybe Michael does ruin my TV taping, and maybe Lisa did abandon me that one time to go to Courtley's pool. Maybe I will get superpowers someday, just like my dad ... maybe I already have them!

But regardless of all that, I'm still just me. Just normal Kaylie M. Kent.

THE END

;-)

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Perfectly Not Normal