Decisions

by Alicia U. <lxu2@cwru.edu>

Rated: G

Submitted: August, 2003

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Clark.

Superman.

Daniel.

Superman.

Clark.

Images of the three men in her life floated through Lois Lane's thoughts.

Three men.

One choice.

One obvious choice once she thought about it.

Dr. Frisken had been right, as much as Lois hated to admit it. She needed to make her choice. It was a choice that she had already made, but she hadn't known it until just now. She had waited way too long.

It wasn't fair to keep stringing all of them along. Yes, that's what she was doing -- stringing them along. She hated to admit it, but that was exactly what she had done.

The choice had been obvious for so long. In fact, it hadn't even been a choice, really, but she wasn't entirely sure if he felt the same way.

No. She was sure. He definitely felt the same way.

But why, if he felt the same way, did he always run away whenever they started talking about their relationship?

From the look in his eyes, she knew he did want her. There had always been a telltale look of love that flashed in his eyes whenever their eyes met. For so long, she had tried to deny the true meaning of that look, but she had always known its true meaning.

And their first kiss . . . what a wonderful kiss. She closed her eyes and remembered the way his hands trailed up her back and then wound themselves through her hair, the way his lips felt so soft against hers, the way his tongue darted nervously into her mouth . . . it had been absolutely perfect. And she had been afraid when she realized how much she was enjoying the kiss, so afraid that she might have pulled away in fright.

He had been the one to pull away -- because Mayson Drake had been killed practically right in front of them. Even though he had always claimed not to be seeing her, her death had obviously hit him very hard. Heck, it had hit her pretty hard, too, and she had never even liked Mayson -- when she thought about it, she would almost venture to say that she had hated Mayson.

Maybe Clark had associated anything romantic with Mayson's death. Could he feel bad that Mayson had died while he had been kissing her? Was that the reason for his mysterious disappearing act?

So the reason he ran away from her whenever their conversations turned to anything remotely romantic was that he was afraid. Maybe he was worried that something horrible would happen again the next time he tried to acknowledge his feelings for her.

And she knew those feelings were there. He didn't hide them well -- when he looked at her, she could see a longing in his eyes, and she was sure it was mirrored in her own.

But did he see it?

Did he know how much she needed him?

How would he react?

Would he run away?

Even though she had known all along who had always been the one to hold her affections, she had never done anything about her feelings. She had been scared. Frightened of his reaction.

Ever since she was a little girl, she'd always had a tendency of diving into situations head-first without a regard for who might be hurt. But it was different in this case. She wanted to be completely sure because she had been hurt so many times in the past.

Now she was finally sure. Maybe deciding to see a shrink had been a good idea after all. She had finally come to terms with her choice.

Clark.

He was the one she wanted -- the only real choice.

Even though she had tried to fight it, Clark had wormed his way into her deepest affections. She couldn't imagine her life without him -- as she had become so painfully aware a few months ago when he had been shot.

On the other hand, Superman was a fantasy. He wasn't real. She couldn't imagine her life without him -- but in a different context. They had always shared a special friendship -- a special bond.

But it wasn't romantic love.

Lust, yes. Hero worship, certainly.

But could she picture spending her life with him?

No.

She was surprised how quickly she had come to that conclusion. When she stopped to think about it, though, she realized that it was true. Did she really know Superman? Where did he live? Did he sleep? What did he like to eat? She had no idea.

Superman belonged to the world. He didn't belong to her. She always known that -- and it was why she had fallen "in love" with him.

He was safe. And idealized man could never take advantage of her. She would never be able to fall in love with him.

Clark was real. And that had scared her. But now the thought was exhilarating.

As her friendship with Clark had developed into mutual admiration, she had never realized how much he meant to her. Until she thought that she had lost him forever. Clark sustained her. He was the person she turned to whenever the situation. Good, bad, in between, Clark was always there for her.

Strange, she'd always assumed that it would have been Superman that she thought of first.

But it was Clark.

And Daniel . . . well, Daniel was another story, indeed. Actually, she wasn't sure what she felt for him.

Maybe she had initially started talking to him because Clark had made her so angry. And then when she realized that Clark was jealous of him, she kept stringing Daniel along to see if Clark would break.

That's exactly what she had been doing. Stringing Daniel along.

She felt so horrible! No, she'd never felt anything for Daniel. But she'd strung him along just to make Clark jealous.

Daniel was a nice enough man -- and he certainly had more guts than Clark did. He knew what he wanted and went after it. And she had to respect him for it.

Yet, Lois didn't want him. She respected Daniel, but she had no further feelings for him.

Because she loved Clark.

Yes, she loved Clark.

She'd finally admitted it to herself.

Even though she'd known it all along, it had taken her a long time to acknowledge that feeling.

She loved Clark Kent. Even though he was obviously afraid of commitment, she wanted to be the woman that made him commit forever. And he was such a wonderful man -- so many good qualities that it would take her days to list them all.

In fact, they were very close to the idealized qualities she had pictured Superman having.

Yes, she definitely made the right choice. In fact, it really hadn't been a choice at all. Clark had always been the one she loved -- it had just taken her so long to realize it. By some good fortune, he was still available even though it had taken her so long to make her decision. She hadn't lost him through it all. If nothing else had made her realize how much she needed him, that fact, alone, had.

She needed Clark. And now she just needed to make him realize how much they needed *each other*.

She knew he loved her -- and she just needed to make *him* acknowledge his feelings.

So now she just needed to break up with Superman.

And Dan.

And tell Clark how much she needed him.

It was going to be a long day.

The End

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